Chapter Two: We Who Are Schizophrenic

Within the outpouring of the energy of the Trinity, all things live and have their being. The energy of the Trinity is that which gives life to the world. This energy is uncreated and flows from the Trinity's essence, however the two powers, energy and essence are obviously distinct.

The energy of the Trinity, which gives life to all that is, we call the providence of God. Another way to look at this providence is by the analogy of a breath or heartbeat, that is, God's providence is an outpouring of His love that has gone forth and now returns to Himself in a divinely transcendent cycle of return[i].

The energy of God - called grace[ii] - is the essence of creation and of all created things[iii]. Therefore, all things that exist, since they are partakers of the Trinity's energy, are by virtue of their existence in the heartbeat of God's providence.

We have a choice then to enter with our choice into this heartbeat, or to reject it, and it is this choice that determines our fitness for eternal glory or punishment, which we experience in this life before we arrive at the next.

All things then are inherently good by nature; and with the energy of God as the basis of our existence, just as God is Transcendent Goodness all that we are and all that we do is also done from a seed of original goodness. We call things evil that are a departure from the original good that gave life to it, and as such even evil and sinful actions are a contortion of something good.[iv]

We need to be aware of ourselves and return our actions to be in harmony with this grace. If we are one with grace we can fully enter into the heartbeat of God and return with this energy we are then partaking of deeper into the heart of the Trinity. God transcends eternity. His grace comes from His essence, and both are equally part of God Himself. By entering into providence and partaking of this energy, we transcend this life and enter into His eternity, live in this supra-eternal goodness. That is, within us there is the Kingdom of Heaven, and with a little bit of effort we must force ourselves into it.[v]

Since the seed of our existence is in grace, and in this grace we have true life and eternal life, we have within ourselves the ability to be healed of our illness[vi]. Within us we have that grace, yet we cannot do it apart from Christ, our mediator and our God.

To bring the grace within us to fulfillment and become whole, we are given the Church and its sacraments, teachings and traditions. All aspects of our salvation and healing are found in the Church.

There are many things the Church gives us. Several of the most important for the sake of our schizophrenia are the sacraments, the commandments and unceasing prayer. The asceticism of the Church also helps to perfect us, but only have their curative powers if the first three things are active in our lives. We learn the commandments, and by doing them we become loving people. We remember them and guard the doing of them through unceasing prayer. We heal our failures in doing these and solidify what good we have done in God's grace in the sacraments. We move into this rhythm of providence by these three and become normal, loving people - for the root of spiritual life is precisely in this, and the more loving one becomes, the more spiritual one truly is - and the fasting, vigils, and other ascetic labors are built from this foundation.

It is impossible to deny the need for asceticism. However it must be done at the right time after the proper preparation. A man may fast yet devour his brother, but no one turns the other cheek and forgives who has rancor towards his enemies - or worse, towards innocent friends.

The virtues we seek at first to acquire through the sacraments, commandments and unceasing prayer are proof, as we notice them in us, that we are on the right path. These are the grace of God, yet without these we cannot say we are living at all.

Not every thought and emotion can be trusted. A primary tenet of Orthodox sobriety is that we are not our thoughts, and therefore we cannot trust them. There are signs that tell us whether our thoughts, emotions and actions involved in our virtue are of Christ or are of another source. If we see in us tears, contrition, humility, self-control, silence, self-effacement and similar qualities we know we are in a state of grace in what we do. On the contrary, if we have thoughts of sensual pleasure, mindless joy, presumption, confusion, sterile levity, self-indulgence and other fallen qualities we know we are in a state of delusion[vii]. One may also add to these signs of delusional energy most perturbations of soul, such as unholy anger, listlessness, vanity and pride, etc.

When dealing with our thoughts we can add these measuring sticks, even to our repentance.

Repentance is one of the primary actions we who are schizophrenics need. Repentance is needed to undertake moral responsibility, for with it we admit our failures and weaknesses and, looking towards Christ, confess our desire and willingness to change. Without this desire and willingness, known by our repentance, grace will not come to us. Grace only comes to those who are prepared to receive it by the disposition of their heart. If we are in pride and do not see that we need a physician, then Christ will withhold His grace and seek to bring us to a state of humility, which is recognition of our insignificance.

Not all feelings of repentance are genuine, and not all acts of repentance are real repentance. Repentance in its true form is inward grief mixed with consolation. If through our inward grief we fall into despair and despondency, into a chaos of emotions and thoughts, or into ideas that we need unrealistic labors to efface our sins, then we are not repenting but are in a state of faithlessness and pride. If we are in some abnormal state that we believe we do not need to repent of our sins, then we can say we do not have true knowledge - knowledge of ourselves that we are nothing.

All virtues come from faith, while faith is strengthened through moral responsibility. If repentance is a form of this responsibility, repentance does no less than increase our faith. Faith leads to grace, and through this we enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Entering therein we are healed and saved in this life, so that we can say the more we repent, the more we come to salvation for we acquire grace through this faith which springs from moral responsibility.

Let us not hesitate to repent and draw near to Christ within the Orthodox Faith, rejecting all moral torpor, but enter into the Faith with our faith through our moral responsibility. If we do this we shall enter into grace and into the cycle of God's providence and thus live a natural life, effectively healing ourselves.

[i] St. Dionysius, On the Divine Names

[ii] Hieromonk Damascene, Christ the Eternal Tao

[iii] St. Dionysius, On the Divine Names

[iv] Ibid

[v] Luke 17:21, Matthew 11:12

[vi] St. Maximus the Confessor, Third Century of Various Texts

[vii] St. Gregory of Sinai, Signs of Grace and Delusion

Chapter Three