Characteristics of a Stalker: Trust Your Instincts

It says something very significant about the degree of doubt one has been forced to have-- to doubt her own instincts, her own sense of what is wrong and intolerable, her own sense of "hold" over her own life, all of these doubts never existing before-- when it requires the assistance of those with "uniforms and badges" labeling her experiences with "the real words." How does an average adult-aged female go from the position of being basically content with herself and her life, gained from experience maturity, to being in the position of being at someone else's mercy (or, more accurately, lack thereof) and her life no longer being her own?

A stalker has one main purpose: he wishes Control-- and his method of achieving this is to systematically "one-up" his potential victim.

A stalker may be a total stranger; or he may be someone whom you know. A stalker may go about what he is doing without you being aware that any of it is happening; or he may proceed with your knowledge but despite your objections. The first point to keep in mind is the basic criteria that his actions are against your will.

In "one-upping" you, he is systematically granting himself "rights" by taking away yours, granting himself "power" by rendering you powerless; and gaining an unwanted foothold in your life, which results in pushing you out of your own "place" in it.

The first defense is in knowing the facts-- trusting your own instincts, being aware of a stalker's methodology, and knowing the factors which constitute "stalking." The reason the latter is so essential is that an individual who places himself in the position of preying upon someone against her will has cultivated the amazing art of "rationalizing and justifying"-- calling his behavior and actions by different names in order to make it appear acceptable, as if you must accept what you do not deem acceptable at all.

I have been granted permission by the Iowa State Attorney General's office to provide some very helpful information from their material on this topic. It provides a great deal of insight in general; but I believe the most important factor is it makes it clear that when certain things are done either without your knowledge or despite your objections, it is not justifiable, it is not "bad behavior," it is a crime.

Some Things Stalkers Do

• Follow you and show up wherever you are;
• Repeatedly call you, including hang ups;
• Damage your home, car, or other property;
• Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or emails;
• Monitor your phone calls or computer use;
• Threaten you or someone close to you;
• Drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work;
• Find out about you by using public records or on line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers;
• Repeatedly show up for no legitimate purpose at places where you are; and
• Other actions that control, track, or frighten you.

(quoted by permission)

Again, one of the nastiest tactics used by a stalker is that of "calling his actions by different names." The purpose of this is to attempt to throw your perceptions off-guard, discounting both the wrongfulness of his actions and the fear and or anger you feel about it. He may call it "love;" he may call it "his Right to Know Everything About You," he may call it "concern," or "interest;" he will call it many things-- except in it being something you want no part of, the fact that it is a crime.

You, as a human being, have the right to live in safety and privacy in your own home; you have the right to move about freely and peaceably in your neighborhood, conducting your daily life; you have the right to be free of any unwanted intrusions. If someone is acquiring information about you behind your back, either without your knowledge or against your objections; if someone is showing up at your home or popping up when you are out in public when you do not want his presence; if someone is "somehow knowing" where you are, what you're doing, with whom you are associating; if someone is monitoring your actions, either personally or with the assistance of others, if attempting to get this individual out of your life results in being threatened in any manner; call your local police immediately.