Characters on the Chicago Red Line

As a regular rider on Chicago's Red Line, I see a lot of the same oddballs every day. Thanks to the CTA's negligence, all the creeps and characters who regularly ride the Red Line have free reign to do their things, day after day. Here's a breakdown of folks us regular riders love to hate. And if you're a regular Red Line rider too, feel free to add your own "favorites" in the comments section.

Characters on the Chicago Red Line: Rap Guy

A relatively new addition to the Red Line cast of regulars, rap guy is quickly winning the hearts and hatred of evening commuters. Rap guy will come up to you (if you look even the slightest bit amused) and ask, "Who's your favorite rapper?" No matter what you answer, rap guy will make up some rhymes or break into a stock rap from his back catalogue. For his impromptu performance, all he wants is some change.

Should you try to beat the system and tell rap guy that you don't like rap, he will shove some paper at you and demand that you read his lyrics. Which is so much worse than just letting him rap.

Characters on the Chicago Red Line: Poetry Guy

"I usually sell this book of poetry for twelve dollars, but I will let you Red Line riders have it for just five dollars. Just five dollars gets you this book of poems, written by me. And I'll even throw in this drawing that I made." And so on.

Way to sell your book, homeless poetry guy. If poetry guy is in a good mood, he'll even read some of his inspirational, rhyming poems about love and spirals of despair.

Characters on the Chicago Red Line: Prison Paperwork Guy

Clarence has been out of prison for a long time, but he really wants to show you some paperwork about it on the Red Line. And his resume. And his business card. And some other piles of paper you could care less about. It's incredible; this guy has his whole life documented in his binder. And he wants to show it to you, Red Line rider, in case you know someone who can give him a job. If not, he'll take some money instead.

Characters on the Chicago Red Line: The Beat-Box Runway Models

These fine young gentlemen sure are fine, if you know what I mean. Or at least, that's what they want you to think. While one gentleman will use the train car aisle as his personal catwalk, the other one or two will make spitty beats so the "model" may vamp in style. These guys are actually pretty funny if you're in a good mood, and the entertainment is free.

Characters on the Chicago Red Line: Hot Chocolate for Jesus Guys

In the wee hours of the morning on the coldest nights of the year, you may hop on to the Red Line, shivering and discouraged, only to be asked, "Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?" Of course you want a cup of hot chocolate! You really, really want a cup of hot chocolate. What you don't want is the Jesus talk that comes with your hot chocolate. Live and learn.