Chare Agnew

I do not know Chare Agnew; we have no mutual friends and I can't recall ever casually running into her. What I know about Chare Agnew is that she was a mother of two boys (10-year-old Raeqwon Agnew, and 9-year-old Harold Sublet) and two girls. Chare Agnew, until last week, was unknown. This week she is the leading story of the evening news in the Dallas and Fort Worth area due to her husband's rage; a rage that took her and the lives of her boys and has stricken fear into the hearts of her girls.

I've seen a picture of Chare on the news. It appears to show a tough woman, who through much adversity was still able to make ends meet and provide for her kids. It is obvious that Chare was a loving person because, in that one picture I've seen, her kids appear to be happy. When a mother is happy her kids beam.

When I look at that picture of Chare and her kids, all surrounding what could be their family car, I see a parallel version of my life. Yes, Chare Agnew could have been my mom and the outcome of the lives of me and my siblings could have easily been that of her children.

Again, I do not know Chare Agnew. But from just an observation of that picture I am reminded of many arguments my parents had that ended with my dad threatening to kill everyone in the house. When I look at that picture I'm reminded of my mom, smiling through her pain, trying to assure us "All is well."

As I observe that picture of Chare Agnew and her kids by that car I recall the many times our little brown car would get packed and either my mom or dad would leave; sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week, once for an entire year. My mom finally had enough, found the courage and left for good. She had three good years of peace without my dad raging or acting indifferently toward us before Lupus won its battle.

Chare Agnew looked like my mom in that picture; a mother protecting her cubs. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, Chare was not able to make her escape before a monster took her life, her sons and sent her girls into a perpetual state of fear.

If I knew Chare's girls I would say, "Don't let that fool cost you your freedom." By that I mean, don't let him send you into hiding or place a splint of hatred in your hearts. Now that he has been caught, find the strength to be there when he's convicted and sent away. Represent your mom and brothers and let their monster know he didn't win.

If I knew Chare's girls I would say, in your own way, become an advocate for your mother's memory. Don't let another woman (another mother) go a day without knowing the horror your mom must have known while living with evil.

If I knew Chare's girl's I would let them know that the pain is real but you don't have to own it.

If I knew Chare's girl's I would apologize for even thinking for a second I could know their horror. Every child who has lived in an abusive environment has similarities, but the stories and the pain are on totally different levels.

If I knew Chare's girl's I would tell them to remember everything their mom ever told them and to cherish the time they had with her.

If I knew Chare's girl's, these beautiful young women who are far stronger today than they ever thought they could be, I would tell them to stand strong and not to stop educating themselves on how to not fall prey to the monsters of the world.

No, I don't know Chare Agnew. But I once knew a woman, I called her mom. She was beautiful, articulate, funny, loving, caring, intelligent and my mentor. Chare Agnew's picture, sitting in that car, reminds me of the strength I used to see in my mom; which was the fire that lights my existence. A strength that was sometimes hidden by a pained smile; masking the truth. Chare Agnew reminds me of my mom. A mom, who made really bad decisions when it came to men, yet was able to arm me with courage, strength and integrity.

I pray Chare Agnew's girls have a support base that will encourage them into becoming warrior princesses who have a fire in their hearts to find a way to forge through this with dignity.

Chare Agnew had a story to tell. Chare Agnew has a story that needs to be told. Although dark and complex (like my mom) I'm sure many could learn from it. I pray her daughters are able to do that one day; tell their moms side. For their mom, for their brothers, for themselves and for those women who are very close to getting away from their personal monsters.

Ladies, when you are strong and ready. We are listening. Even if it's just to encourage someone you know who is dealing with what your mom dealt with. We're listening. Even if you just want to say, "We're fine and we want to distance ourselves from this madness." We're listening.

You matter, your mom mattered and your brothers too.

Stay strong and know that Chare Agnew did have a purpose on this planet; if just to encourage me to keep my moms memory fresh.