Charlton Heston's Ass

Charlton Heston who died last week at age 83 was a terrific actor. He won two Oscars, one for his title role in Ben Hur and one for his humanitarian work. In his cameo as the Player King in 1996's Hamlet he practically stole the film away from director & star Kenneth Branagh. Personally, I was always grateful for an interview Heston gave in 1985 following the death of his friend and colleague, Orson Welles. All of the accolades were pouring in for Welles the day after he died and naturally they turned to Heston for some thoughts on his legendary friend and costar. Heston, who never minced words pointed out how hypocritical certain modern-day director/producers were to be saying such wonderful things about Welles and his influence on them, when in truth they wouldn't go near the legendary director when he came looking for help. And Heston named names too! I won't be as brave as he. But it gave me a newfound respect for a man whose politics had started to turn me off.

But mostly when I think of Charlton Heston I think of his sci-fi films of the 1970s. When I first saw Planet of the Apes (1968) as a boy, I was captivated by the film and became an instant fan of the sequels and TV series. One scene in the film has Heston, as stranded astronaut Taylor hauled into a court of apes and stripped naked before them. The close-up of Heston's derriere in cinemascope was just the sort of thing that made a young kid giggle uncontrollably. I soon forgot about it, but then a few years later while watching Heston in another sci-fi film, Soylent Green (1973), it happened again. This time it was through a glass shower door as Heston was nude with his young female costar. Okay, it wasn't as funny this time around, I was older of course and it was probably just a product of the times. This was the 1970s after all and films were getting edgier. Some years later I was watching Heston in a film on cable TV late at night called The Mountain Men. Heston made the film in 1980 when he was 56. There was a scene outside a tent where once again Heston's naked backside was focused upon. Now a teen it had finally dawned on me that this must be something intentional on the part of Heston. He's always been a physical actor and has showed off his chiseled features in many films throughout his career. I don't think it ever really interfered with his performances. Being an attractive man it certainly didn't hurt his appeal with female fans. For me I never really thought of it again until 1997, when I was in a packed movie theater watching The Devil's Advocate, starring Keanu Reeves. In one scene, Reeves and a female costar begin to make love on a hard wood floor. As they slowly undress, the camera pans down to reveal a huge panavision close-up of Keanu Reeves' ass. The audience shrieked in disgust. Even the women did. It was not flattering. All the memories of Heston's rump in so many films started to flood my memory. And it was then that I finally reached a shocking conclusion. Charlton Heston, even in his fifties had a better ass than Keanu Reeves!