Cheating Hearts and Second Chances

Betrayal, humiliation, anger and jealousy are a tangle of emotions that are not soon forgotten. There is no easy answer to infidelity. The aftermath of an affair can leave you feeling completely shattered not to mention dazed, confused and vulnerable. Many people aren't sure of what to do next. This feeling of indecision is a good indication that you are open to the idea of a second chance, otherwise you would have already packed your bags and left.

Should you stay or should you go? Let's begin by looking at the cheaters character. Are you dealing with a chronic cheater? If your partner has a history of cheating, chances are they will cheat again. For whatever reasons there is something fundamentally wrong with this person. They may be incapable of saying "no" to temptation or they may not have the same sense of love and commitment that you have for them. To invest more time into a re-offender keeps you living in a high-risk zone. You may never get of the roller coaster of distrust and uncertainty. If you're living in a constant state of fear and doubt and you've heard the words "I'm sorry" once too often, then it may be time to move on. You cannot change the cheater - it is their job to do that. What you can do is change yourself and refuse to play the victim.

In the event that you have a first time cheater on your hands, you may want to look at the situation a little differently. The level of remorse will tell you everything you need to know. If you're hearing comments such as, "Look - I said I was sorry!" or "How many more times do we have to go over this?" then I would have to question if this person truly understands the heartache they have caused you. A genuinely remorseful person would move heaven and earth to regain your trust. They will actively seek ways such as counseling to try and undo some of the damage. They will give you access to their email accounts and cell phone records, essentially making their lives an open book to ensure that you know they are keeping no secrets from you. This willingness to give up their privacy tells you they are desperate to earn your trust and forgiveness. They will look into your eyes and see the pain and it will break their hearts to know they have destroyed you. They will want to prove to you over and over that they have learned a horrible lesson and beg your forgiveness. This person is worth giving a second chance. They sincerely regret their actions and are willing to take full responsibility.

No two cheaters are alike. Each situation is unique and the reasons for unfaithfulness will have to be fully explored. It is necessary to thoroughly examine your relationship to discover what went wrong and whether or not you are partially to blame. Maybe you were emotionally or physically distant causing your partner to seek love somewhere else or maybe you were completely loving and supportive. Now is the time to take an honest and truthful look at your situation and try to understand what the triggers were, if you hope to avoid them in the future. Couples that don't focus on the issues of communication, sex, love and intimacy find themselves stuck in a state of indecision, wasting more time when they could be rebuilding their relationship or moving on with their lives.

The fact is, you know your partner better than anyone. In your heart of hearts you are aware of their good qualities as well as their shortcomings. You need to decide if the good outweighs the bad and if you can live with the decision you are about to make. Your problems will not magically heal themselves and it is up to you to take that first step to creating a relationship built on trust and love. I am not suggesting you stay in your current relationship or run off and look for the new love of your life. But in order for your life to get better you have to decide if this person is worthy of a second chance and only you can make that decision.