Cheating: Women in Denial About Men Who Cheat

I have noticed over the years that women who stay with men who cheat, seriously rationalize their behavior. They also seem to overly focus on the good qualities their men have, while disregarding the fact that they cheated, and what that says about who he is. So what's happening here? I thought we could explore what happens in the mind of some women after finding out their man has cheated.

It's not too surprising that at first when a woman finds out her man has cheated, she becomes very angry, hurt, and depressed. After she experiences this whirlwind of emotions something quite interesting begins to happen. She slowly starts to rationalize her mans behavior, while at the same time elaborating his good qualities. You may be saying so what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that is, she's focusing on his good qualities in order to ignore, or slowly minimize the cheating. In other words she's in denial.

It seems so much less painful, and easier for her to try to minimize the cheating than deal with enormousy of what the cheating means about him, and their relationship. Truthfully, if a woman isn't in denial and totally looking at the situation clearly, she more than likely wouldn't want to stay with this type of man. I have heard so many women over the years who have been abused, which includes cheating, singing the praises of what a wonderful father he is, a great provider, and how he even helps her around the house. It is her way of being able to accept that he cheated, and believe that he's not really that bad, he just made a mistake. But is this really true?

Is cheating a mistake, or a defect of character? After all what kind of person does cheat? Well, in order for someone to be able to cheat they obviously have to be untrustworthy. People that can be trusted do not cheat. He would most definitely have to be a liar. How could he possibly cheat unless he lies about where he's going, who he has been with, and where he has been. He would have to have weak moral and values. Men with strong morals and values do not cheat. He would have to be selfish. I mean really he's not thinking about you and what you need and want when he is in bed with someone else. He would have to be a very cruel person. Considering the agony you will go through when you find out, that's about as cruel as it gets. He would have to be a very unloving person. Again, if you truly love someone how could you ever put them through the hell of being cheated on. He is obviously a bad parent and poor role model for his kids. You may disagree about this one, but think about it, if you're a good parent would you risk your family breaking up, and the disappointment in your child's eyes when they find out what you did? Of course not. You think he's a good provider, well where is part of his money going? I never heard of an affair where the man didn't spend money on his mistress. What a shame that money could have gone into a college fund for the kids.

Okay, so this wonderful man who you think just made a stupid mistake, is also untrustworthy, a liar, has weak morals and values, he's selfish, cruel, unloving, a bad parent and role model, and is spending his money on her. So what part of wonderful am I missing? My rule of thumb that I learned from my mentor is, if the relationship is 90% good, but the remaining 10% is toxic, the relationship is not worth it. The 90% may not kill you, but the 10% will. It's only when the 10% is little annoying habits, or the little mistakes of life that it's not of concern to your well-being, or that of the relationship. I would say the list of character traits of a cheater is definitely leaning toward the toxic side. He's probably also more than just 10 % toxic.

In the end the most important consideration is after his cheating, how can you ever believe he really loves you? My answer is anyone who cheats on another never really loved the person in the first place. I mean the type of love that counts, and gets you through the trials and tribulations of life. The kind that makes you smile, and want to spend all the days of your life with that one special person.

Maybe the real problem here is, women still don't believe they're worth having a truly faithful, wonderful, loving man in their life. If they did believe they were worthy, would there be any excuse, or reason whatsoever to keep one around that hurt them so deeply by cheating? I think not. My personal stance is, I don't care how long I have been with a man, if he cheats, he's gone. I refuse to wait around for it to happen again, and chance are it will. I have developed a true respect for myself in my later years, and refuse to compromise that for anyone. Besides, I'm not going to spend countless years with twisted pictures in my mind of him with someone else. I figure, him cheating on me would be enough torture, without me adding self-torture.

In no way is this article advice for every woman that has been cheated on. Each woman must weigh their own situation, and make a decision on whether he should stay or go, and whether she feels the relationship is worth keeping. I just thought it was time women honestly looked at men who cheat. In the end if you choose to stay together, at least you would have made the choice in truth, instead of in denial.

**Check out all my articles in the series on cheating, as well as all my other articles on relationships!