Cheese

We're not fat enough. How do I know this? Because every commercial on TV tells me I need more cheese on whatever it is I buy.

McDonald's has a commercial showing 7 out of 8 items with cheese on them. Item 8 is a fish burger that given time, I'm sure they will put cheese on. Kraft changed the name of its welfare dinners from 'Macaroni & Cheese' to 'Cheese & Macaroni'. Pizza parlours can't leave well enough alone and now stuff their crusts with cheese. Pizza Hut in particular has messed up the crust so bad they brag about their 28 individual pockets around the outside of the real meal. Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy's, they are all the same. Eat more cheese.

I tend to go along with the old lady on the dairy council ads who proclaims, "Stop serving cheese!" I like cheese on pizza and veal or chicken parmesgian. I like a bag of Cheetos once every 5 or 6 months except for the fact that they turn your fingers orange. But that's it and it really should be enough for anybody.

Welfare folks don't have anything to do all day except watch TV and chow down on some snacks. After they come home from their taxi ride to the beer store, they open up a box of Kraft dinner and stuff themselves with more cheese than macaroni and wonder why their belt line is increasing in exponential amounts. College and university students also subsist on this blight on society, but in their case, they have to pack on the weight in view of the lean years to come when they are repaying their student loans.

With all the hoopla about how fat we are, how fat our kids are getting, airlines charging extra for 'large' people, endless ads for gyms and workout spas, do we really need to put more cheese in our diets? If it is true that 'it's the cheese that binds', then perhaps we should reserve it for those among us who suffer from diarrhea and use it sparingly the rest of the time.

People like cheese and there is nothing wrong with that. But the stuff they put on fast foods isn't even real cheese. It's processed plastic, one molecule away from being Teflon, and they want us to put this drek into our bodies.

Jacques Pepin, a renowned French chef, and Julia Child, a chef trained in the Cordon Bleu school of cookery, don't, probably couldn't, use the amount of cheese the fast food joints want us to consume.

If you're going to eat cheese, at least eat the real stuff. And eat it in moderation. Once they eliminate all the smokers from the planet, they are coming after the fat people.