Chicago Bears Increase My Drinking in Loss to Green Bay Packers

Oh Sunday Night Football...you're always there to shine a bright light on our suckage...even on Christmas...

Well, sportsfans, the Bears lost last night, and we're out of the playoffs. Aaron "stink-nut" Rodgers came in with his yellow and green band of yahoos and spanked us pretty good, leaving us with some turf stains and a 35-18 loss last night. I'm just thankful new starting quarterback Josh McCown is in one piece since Shane Matthews had such a hard on for decapitating him last night, and it wasn't a complete shut out.

Actually McCown looked pretty good. I have to tell you, in my bleary eyed, post Christmas Slush haze, when I saw "McCown" on a jersey out there, I about fell on my face thinking it said "McNown" and I was all, "Who the hell dug up Cade McNown? Isn't he selling cars in Cedar Rapids or something?" But alas, this was a totally different guy they plucked off a high school football field, which is almost equally hilarious. The Bears really know how to do desperate, don't they?

But McCown did a decent job, which will have him anointed as the Second Coming here in Chicago until the game where he throws 67 interceptions, and the fans of Chicago are screaming for his head on a pike and wanting to drink the blood of his first born. We're fickle like that here. One minute we love ya, the next you better hop a Greyhound out of town. See Stewart, Kordell...Chandler, Chris... Ride the wave, my friend. Ride the wave.

Personally I think that we had a chance for a minute there... but the defense went to sleep on us. I kind of get the feeling Urlacher and Peppers were all "Fuck it, I'm eating more ham," before the game and didn't really give a shit at all. They pretty much saw the writing on the wall 2 weeks ago. Sure they were mathematically in it last night if they won, if you carry the one, the stars align, and a Unicorn appeared during a full moon or something. They knew they were out of it, and rather than prolong the agony and false hope, they just phoned it in. I really don't blame them, it seems like it's been a long season.

And the Packers should be a little worried. Second and Third stringers were running all. over. them. last night. That's a little scary. I will give props to Stink Whistle Rodgers and the offense for looking sharp and getting enough Packer fans jumping up and down to set off the Richter Scale, but they should have come in and wiped out the Bears with all the hype they're enjoying. It's the first time I've seen them play this season, and I really wasn't all that impressed.

So Chicago, stick a fork in us, cuz we're cooked. At least the Bulls are looking good and Derrick Rose is something to be proud of right now. I hate to say it because it makes me wince and gives me gas pains, but if we can't go all the way, I would rather see Green Bay get there. Even if it's FishBait Rodgers...