Child Abuse Survivors

When we hear the word "survivor," we tend to think it means someone who has gotten through something horrific and is now okay. I'm a survivor of Hurricane Andrew and I'm okay, but it had a profound affect on me. For years afterward I had nightmares and, to this day, I get nervous when the wind kicks up and there's lightening and loud thunder. When a person goes through any kind of traumatic event, they may indeed survive it, but it will continue to have an affect on their life.

We hear the term "child abuse survivor" quite often these days. With good counseling and support readily available, there are many adult victims out there now joining the ranks of "survivors." Years ago abuse was hushed up and no one talked about it. It was a taboo subject and most victims never spoke up. If they did they were most likely told to keep quiet or, in some cases, they were called liars. But today, thanks to people willing to speak out and be heard, child abuse is gaining the recognition it has long been denied. Many of the survivors of today were the silent victims of yesterday.

But, what does it really mean to be a "survivor?" Does it mean a person is free from all the damage done to them at such a young age? No it doesn't. All it really means is they have stopped burying it and denying it and keeping silent about it, and have finally gathered up the courage to speak out against it. They deserve a lot of credit for that, because it's not easy for someone who has been beaten down their whole life to stand up and be heard.

When a child is abused, his innocence and everything it means to be a child is taken from him and he can never get it back. How does a child "survive" having his very life taken from him? All that's left of him is a very damaged person, whose whole perception of right and wrong has become distorted, affecting his relationships and every other aspect of his life well into adulthood. As far as counseling goes, we're talking about having to be taught things about life that come natural to most people. That's not easy, especially for someone who has lived almost a whole lifetime with a distorted view. The support and understanding provided by counselors and other adult survivors is helpful, but all the counseling in the world cannot give a person back his stolen childhood. That, along with all the joy and innocence, is gone forever.

There's a lot of talk these days about "appropriate" sentences for pedophiles and child abusers. How long should their sentence be, what kind of punishment do they deserve, etc. It's all preposterous. How can there be any sentence that's appropriate? What people fail to understand is, there is no restitution for the crime that has been committed. You cannot reimburse someone whose life you have taken away. The crime committed isn't like stealing from a grocery store or even like committing murder. At least when a person is murdered he suffers no more, but when a child's life has been snuffed out, he's handed a life sentence on top of it.

I hope when people hear the term child abuse "survivors" it doesn't make them think less of the crime that was committed. There is no worse crime that can ever be committed. There really are no survivors, only brave, courageous souls who have finally found a voice.