Child Custody Advice: Secrets to a Less Stressful Visitation Process

Any parent who has been through the ordeal of child custody and visitation issues understands how many legal issues can be involved. Thankfully there are some ways to make visitation go more smoothly.

Be an adult.

Don't slander the other parent or say bad stuff about them. If the other parent is an awful person, eventually the child will see it on their own. Don't ruin the reputation other parent to the child even if it's true. The child has a right to have a relationship with the other parent even if it includes disappointment. The child will remember more that you said so, more than the fact the other parent might not be up to par.

Send the child with a fully stocked bag they can take with them.

Choose a bag that you don't mind loosing incase it doesn't come back. Pack enough clothes for each day, plus one extra just incase. Make sure each parent has a copy of medical coverage information. Have a medical supply bag with the clothes. Include non-prescription/prescription medication (children's liquid Tylenol or Motrin in properly sealed containers for younger children and unexpected fevers), a small first aid kid of sorts, chap stick, any necessary toiletry items (you can use the travel kind if you want or purchase another toothbrush, air brush, etc...just for the bag) they might need. Don't forget scrunchies, a thermometer, and nose bulb. For babies, put enough diapers for 2 days in the bag & spare bottle.

Also include, copy of immunization records (you can black out any important personal identifying information of the parent). I like to include a couple of small snacks as well as the transitional object (always have a spare one) and any other small toys the child wishes within reason.

Realize as the parent you are responsible for making sure your child has at least everything your child needs.

The non-custodial parent may not have everything the child readily needs. This way if they are traveling, are delayed, involved in an emergency, etc...you can at least have the peace of mind of knowing you sent off your child with all the provision necessary. Its OK they got a fever while stuck on the freeway. You packed the nonprescription meds. They won't be hungry or thirsty because you packed snacks and a spare drink depending on the situation. It's OK if they got the non custodial parent's house and found that mom or dad didn't quite get their clothes washed. You packed spare clothes. See how this works?

Each parent has the responsibility to provide basic things for the kids while in one another's care. However, it's known that doesn't always happen. Get mad in private and then step up the plate and be the responsible parent. Send them off with the fully stocked bag. IF they need anything in there, they will remember you were the one that took the time to prepare it for them.

If you need to, get extra clothes that only go the non-custodial parent's homes from a second hand store or hand me downs. Once you have established the clothes come back, start sending the child with some more familiar ones.

Keep open lines of communication when dropping off and picking up.

Do your best to stick to your parenting plan and schedule. If you are running late, call and say so. Encourage one another to have a plan in place to contact the person if it's safe to speak to the other parent.

If not, then as I said, you be the responsible one. Get a cell phone. Borrow one, get a pre-paid one. It looks better not just in court, but also to your growing child. When they see that mom or dad has it under control during this process, it naturally puts the child at ease.

Pack the night before.

Put everything by the door or in your car that morning on your way to school or day care so you know its already packed

Do your best to have them bathed, clean clothes, etc.

This won't always be the case, but if you try when you can, it puts your best foot forward for the child's sake.

Develop a different attitude. "Yeah, their other parent is a really slime case...but you know...I am not going to let my children's needs suffer just because the other parent won't get off their duff and take their share of the responsibility. My kids' needs come first. If that means I have to send them with a fully stocked bag, fine!"

You are the responsible parent and as your child grows, your child will grow to learn whatever truth's there are to your relationship with the other parent. By maintaining responsibility for your child, your child will see it and thank you one day for it.