Child Custody Battles: What Every Woman Should Know
Simple Steps to Ensure the Best Opportunity to Win Custody of Children
When facing child custody, most courts look at the very essential elements of the child welfare including neglect, abandonment or abuse. When struggling with a child custody battle, a woman should pay particular attention to the emotional welfare of the children involved. For this reason, seeking out emotional support groups and child psychological counseling, will show to a court that the mother has a genuine interest in the emotional welfare of the children involves in the child custody battle.
In addition to emotional counseling, a mother facing a child custody battle should work to ensure her own personal actions are that of respectable nature. Avoiding nightlife and dating, during a child custody battle, will ensure complicating factors, such as those associated with promiscuous behavior, are not drawn into the litigation. For many women, moving on with a personal life can be challenging and yet, at the same time, some require the emotional support of another individual during this highly stressful period. The key to ensure less complication is to avoid establishing new intimate and personal relationship, especially those involving direct contact with the children involved.
Another legal issue, when facing a child custody battle, involves the financial stability of the mother. When facing child custody litigation, therefore, a woman should ensure she has obtained stable employment with an income which is sufficient to support her children, even if that support includes the anticipated child support income. For some women, this financial responsibility may require demonstration of support from close family members in an effort to sway the court into the direction of awarding custody to the mother.
And finally, domicile. As a key factor in many litigated divorce cases, in which child custody is an issue, it is not uncommon for a Judge to request an examination of the home of each parent, in the form of a social study, in an effort to obtain unbiased information with regard to the physical living arrangements available to children. For this reason, when facing a child custody battle, a woman should ensure each of her children is provided with his or her own bed and is supplied with proper clothing. While children can share bedrooms, it is not recommended that they share beds nor clothing as this is not a favorable point of consideration in a child custody battle. Also, ensure the home is safe and properly secured. Locks on doors should be in proper working order, the home should be clean and free of debris and even in homes with pools, ensure the pool is well protected from any safety issues. All of these matters may seem frivolous. However, when in a child custody battle, they can become issues of contention when the home study reports are released to both the Judge and opposing counsel.
As with any point of contention within a divorce proceeding, the most optimal outcomes, generally, are the result of communication between the divorcing couple. When mediation and communication are no longer successful, and child custody becomes a decision of the courts, following these simple steps may ensure the best opportunity for obtaining, or retaining, custody of your children.
Published by Christine Cadena
Working on a graduate degree in psychology, Christine has both professional and educational background in health, wellness, insurance, and health finance. Finance expands to all facets of health and insuran... View profile
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13 Comments
Post a CommentAlthough its nice to suggest how to win, it's more important to have the intent to follow through with the responsible image a mother is trying to present. It's not about the mother getting extra income or winning custody by pretending to be someone she isn't for a little while. It's about the child's best interest those days and everyday thereafter... not just when people want to pretend to be cool.
I am disabled and just experienced a custody battle ,and was wrongfully done lies where told. Judge didn.t listen to anything I ahd to state. Even took my daughter that was,t even biologically this man. This man has beaten me and his mother in front of th kids several times. Restraing orders has been placed and domestic violence charges within the same court that gave my kids to this man mother. Never took care of the children chose alcohol over a family. When I met a man that stepped up to the plate he claims the children was in danger. Granted no legal reprensentation at all, but this boys mother work for the lawyer personally for years and represented her pro bono. Happened to be a GAL to and my GAL turned on me for no reason didn't listen to my kids best of interest either. Unfair things goes on in family court I know because I witnessed it first hand!!!!!!!!
(con't 2) Nothing is messier (or costlier) than a custody battle involving 3rd parties!
* Men vs Women is BS - Really. Just a personal thing, but I hate the men vs women brawls when it comes to custody. Truth? 80% of the time, Mom is the better FT parent simply b/c that's what she DOES. 20% of the time, it's Dad b/c of issues with Mom. Bottom line? Its not about YOU and what is "fair" to YOU. Its about your kids. Always remember that. And yes women pay CS too. I did. My ex snorted it all up his nose, but no one cared.
* What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger - If you've ever been "there" you know what I mean. It all works out in the end and you will be stronger for it. Stay the course. Keep your faith. If there is real fear, never quit. Everything will be made right in the end even if it takes years to get there. And you are not alone.
(con't)
* The problems never end - Even when everything is settled, the anxiety never goes away. I still have nightmares of my boys being taken by random "creatures". No joke. Its like PTSD. It never stops, the worry never leaves.
* Its not worth it - Unless your kids are in danger. Thats the big IF. This piece comes from advising friends. In my case it was - there was REAL DANGER. If there isnt, its just not worth the pain it will create all around.
* Its VERY costly - I could have sent both boys to college for what I have paid in lawyers. Nuff said.
* Keep Third Parties OUT of It - Not meaning to offend, but stepparents, grandparents, and other SO's need to not get involved in a custody situation. Nobody wins. A third party is just that - they have their own agenda (yes, no matter how much you care). If they really cared, they would back off. Supporting you is just an excuse to control you. Nothing is messier (or costlier) than a custody battle involving 3rd p
Wow, I have been on both sides of this fence and to make a VERY long story short, I am now parenting two teen boys without any financial support whatsoever from their father after a long battle just to SAVE them from their Dad. Guess what? I dont complain, I don't litigate. My boys safety is #1 and I dont care if I never see a penny.
That said, if I may make a few observations gleaned from nearly 10 years of a very painful custody battle let it be this...
* No custody battle is easy - avoid it at ALL costs.
* Nothing is Fair - I was the woman, I was prevented from seeing my kids b/c I moved 90 miles away out of state to flee my abuser (the DAD)... he kept custody. He was also a drug addict and Neo Nazi, I a stay at home mum to (eventually)5 - go figure. And yes, dads - I paid CS - $1200/mth, every month. When the shoe was on he other foot? I never have seen one red penny.
* The problems never end - Even when everything is settled, the anxiety never goes away. I still
Newton, MA. unemployed Mother with 2 teens, 3/9/2010, Court day, ex-pouse ( delined to see the children since 2007 ) through his attorney told the Judge that he would be willing to give up sole legal & sole physical custody, no contact with the children, children & mother can relocate anywhere in the US & other countries, no child support from him, if I can pay him $75,000 to settle. But if I can't or make full payment at any point, he would sue me for sole custody of both, no visitation, child support, legal fee, personal spending, personal debts.... I'm unemployed since 2007, pay all my children's expanses, never demand child support, hoping for a peaceful resolution. I do not have an attorney now. Can't afford one. We are going to Trial if I can't come up with $75,000 by April 22. I don't know the law and now need to represent myself. I'm not giving up. It just would be nice to have some kind of support. All my family are in Taiwan.
Oops... well it didn't post my whole comment. Basically I was just trying to tell my story and say that I wish more would be written on advice for unmarried cutody battles and those that involve disabled children. I also noted that I want this advice for either the mother or father that has full custody and is facing this kind of situation. I am not picking sides do to gender.
I find that the things you noted are most all very true. I am going through a custody and visitation battle currently. But in my case, I am not married to the man who is fighting me for partial custody and visitation. Also our son is mentally disabled and is almost 8 years old, but on an average level of about 3. The thing that is SO upsetting and baffling to me about this whole thing is that he has shown absolutely NO interst in his son in over 6 years! Now out of nowhere, he wants not only to have visitation, but partial cutody?? And he also says that I have kept him from his son wich is UNBELIEVABLE, because I have BEGGED him continuously to see his son and he never wanted anything to do with him. His whole family is wonderful and love our son and are involved as much as they can and always have been but he has never wanted to see him or come along when they have visited or taken our son for a day out. He has hasn't even asked for pictures or called in over 4 years and would not pro
what does playing the role of victim teach your child about dealing with conflict? How do you think this reflects upon you as a person?
Women who are "anticipating child support income" as implied by this article have a financial interest in alienating their children. This is supported by the female-biased court system, which is driven more by federal incentives (kickbacks), power, and misandry, and 100 times more concern about the transfer of $$ than childrens' welfare. I also think this statement is false: "When facing child custody, most courts look at the very essential elements of the child welfare including neglect, abandonment or abuse". In MA, they certainly DO NOT examine these factors, except of course when interrogating males who have the gall to go against the court's default judgement of full custody to the female child support recipient, who they call "a client". Think about it: If you are a woman who wants to show the court you care about your child, you WOULD NOT seek to embroil your child in a full custody battle, rather you would show that you could be emotionally mature and balanced enough to succe