Child Sexual Abuse and the Internet

Survivors of childhood abuse need someone with whom they can talk-a professional (either clergy or therapist), a friend, or a family member. Yet for many survivors, especially males, it is very hard to open up to someone, to say even to oneself, let alone to someone else, what happened. There is a special tool that survivors now have.

After I wrote my first article on childhood sexual abuse years ago (here), one teenager poignantly wrote me, "As I write this, I am fighting back the tears of memories of nightmares come true, silent screams, and blank stares into a self made darkness of horror, humiliation, and shame. I deal with it in therapy, I deal with it with God, and I deal with it on the Internet."

Yes, the Internet. I've heard that we are becoming addicted to the anonymous, impersonal communication of e-mail and chat-rooms, that such things cannot take the place of "real" human contact. But, as I've "sat in" on some Internet discussions among survivors of sexual abuse, I've come to wonder: what is not "real" about the pain and care that these people share with each other? As my teenage correspondent continued, "Survivors of any abusive situation, are very fragile, and finding a place of true support ... is so awesome."

Silence is a luxury that the survivors of childhood sexual abuse cannot afford. Since I am not a survivor of sexual abuse myself, I am writing, as I did previously, especially to friends, family members, loved ones of survivors, to encourage you to let the survivor in your life talk, to recognize how that person is honoring you by trusting you. If survivors cannot turn to people in their "real" world, then there are many resources on-line.

I'm also trying to let this article give survivors a voice of their own, and so, I shall quote again, "Silence is for the weak. Talking and bringing things out that need to be brought out, make us all stronger and help us to find more courage to reach out and fight for the survival we deserve. And maybe, just maybe, one hurting child, will see a way out, and know it is not his fault."

Although I commend on-line support groups and forums, I am not going to recommend any specific sites. There are so many out there on the Internet that I think it would be better for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to find the sites appropriate for them.

I would point out that the use of such sites should not take the place of needed counseling and therapy, but realistically, they may be a way by which survivors can gain the confidence to seek such help. Also, I must point out that I am not a professional in this field.

Rob Reiner's 1986 film Stand By Me (more), is about four boys who have dealt with various sorts of physical and emotional abuse, but not sexual abuse. The abuse is not even a central point of the plot. Instead, it hangs in the background, almost as an element of the environment. Based on a book by Stephen King, of all people, this gentle little film shows a community of trust and sharing in which four wounded young men create the families that they need but do not have.

At one point, one of the youngsters makes a wise old statement, "Kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look after them."

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Thanks to all the people who got in touch with me, either through the comments on the article on childhood sexual abuse or through private messages. I would especially like to thank my fellow AC source Cheryl Bowman (source page here) for a suggestion in the comments section.