Child Support- Going Too Far

The majority of child support claims are made by the mothers, of course. It is the woman's natural role to care for a child, so it is uncommon for the father to have custody if a relationship does not work. However, there are several cases in which the father would provide better care, and there are far too many cases where that is the situation yet the mother still gains custody. It is no secret that the courts treat every child support and custody case with the assumption that the father is a dirt bag.

According to a recent study (Child Support Guidelines and the Equalization of Living Standards) "under current child support guidelines, the majority of custodial parents currently have higher standards of living than their matched noncustodial parents," and that in some situations this inequity is "dramatic."

The child support 'system' can be very frustrating if you are on the wrong end of it! First, I will give credit to those mothers who are trying to do it on their own and can't get any help from the 'missing parent'. Those women, although it is not always a woman with this problem, deserve respect for the hardships they fight through everyday. Some fathers will literally find 'under the table jobs' and do all they can to avoid their financial responsibilities as a parent.

Full respect should be given to any single parent, but I personally give more respect to those single parents who struggle, yet do not ask for child support. If the 'missing parent' wants no ties to their children, these strong parents allow that choice. Yes, it may sound unfair for the child... but it is bitter truth.

That having been said... let's now cover the rest of these cases. Here is what happens in a child support situation.

1.) The custodial parent decides they need money. Wether or not that money is spent on their child is their business, and the courts have no problem leaving it that way. (So many cases I have seen where both the non custodial parent and the child starve while the custodial parent enjoys that 'free' money on drugs, alcohol, and other personal addictions.)

2.)The custodial parent files an order for child support. It is absolutely free to file. All child support services are offered free of charge.

3.)The non-custodial parent is brought to court, where a judge will decide how much to take. The non-custodial parent can offer "This is what I can afford to pay." Without a lawyer (which in many cases a lawyer can not be afforded) the custodial parent will be granted for the amount they request, even if it much higher than what the non-custodial parent can afford. To be fair, there is a percentage of garnishment that can not be exceeded for child support. That percentage is roughly 35% before taxes.

4.)The income recieved from child support does not need to be claimed when filing taxes. Therefore, it is a major benefit to the custodial parent in income, and a major loss to the non-custodial parent who simply misses all that money. Additionally, the custodial parent can recieve a number of tax benefits, bringing them over a thousand dollars in extra money. Again, the non custodial parent is only at a loss. In fact, if a non-custodial parent has arrears, then they won't even see their taxes.

Why is it that the non dirt bag fathers have to pay such a large price? The non custodial parents who don't avoid their responsibilities are left with scraps while the custodial parent can often 'live the high life.'

With today's income and expenses differential, it is often difficult enough to live. Here, I will share a frustrating child support story. (Names have been changed.)

Brad pays child support on two different cases.

The first case, he is paying mainly arrears that have totalled over $13,000. The reason they are so high is they were unpaid for 5 years. Not because he was deliberately avoiding them. Because he was in prison. While he was in prison, his mother gained custody of his oldest daughter. She used every welfare benefit possible, and in turn the state decided that while they payed her, he should pay them and billed him $50 a week, he was obviously unable to pay from inside prison. (This is added on to the original birthing costs...)

Where is the mother of this daughter? She has several other children, who just like this one she has absolutely nothing to do with. Never calls or visits. No ties. I can not understand for the life of me why child support wouldn't go after her when they saw they weren't getting any money from Brad... but I can understand why he won't pursue her to at least share in the amount of support owed. She doesn't want any ties to her daughter, so he won't give her any.

(If you look at the support paperwork, you see the payments from his name to his mother's name. She has a different last name, so if all you look at is the paperwork you would assume the payments are going to the mother of the child. When it comes to child support, just like anything with the social services, every case is nothing more than paperwork. Everything is literally handled as if it is 'paper thin'.)

In the second case... he is paying child support to the mother of his youngest daughter. The thing is, this child has lived with him for several months now, but he continues to pay child support through the courts. Why? Because he is a good father, who has nothing but respect for the mother of this daughter who 'did it on her own' the whole time he was in prison. ('Doing it on her own' may have involved dropping the kid off at babysitters every weekend and every day after school so she could party, but she did 'do it on her own'.) He has agreed to leave the custody change out of court until she is satisfied with her idea of 'back support' being paid.

To summarize this best, Brad has a wife, his youngest daughter, and a 4 month old baby to support on a weekly paycheck, minus taxes and an outrageous amount of child support. His mother refuses to give him custody of his oldest daughter now, because she doesn't want to lose her welfare benefits she has grown quite used to. The mother of his youngest daughter uses her extra money weekly to go out to bars, and other luxuries.

Brad has lost about 5 jobs in the past year simply because he couldn't afford the gas to get to work. During those times of unemployment, not only has he fallen even deeper into the pit of unpaid bills... he has acquired even more 'arrears' on both support cases. However, Brad continues to live with the support cases as they are, because he feels it is the right thing to do for his children.

After his most recent job loss, it seemed as though luck was turning around. He found a better job with a decent pay increase. Finally, he could afford to support his family that lived with him after taxes and child support.

Unfortunately, with his pay increase... his child support payments increased as well. He is now losing $200 a week before taxes, and instantly he fell behind on bills again. Brad is on the verge of losing this new job as well, due to the inability of affording his way to work.

This is a very true story, and I only share it for one reason, to prove a point. The child support system needs to change. Are children even benefiting from this system, or hurting?!

Not only do they need to start looking into more individual details concerning each case and have more realistic goals about living standards... there are several other 'set backs' for the end that gets all the 'bad luck'... the 'non-custodial parent' end.

It is possible for Brad to try to have his support modified back to the original garnishment. There is a slight chance that a judge will agree he can't afford to lose $200 weekly, but it's nothing Brad can rightfully get his hopes up over. In addition to that hopeless feeling he must face everyday as a hard working, responsible father, he has a lengthy process of filing for the modification.

First, you must call the court and ask for the paperwork. They mail you the paperwork, and then you must fill it out and collect a number of items (that it can be a scavenger hunt sometimes) and mail the paperwork back. Usually, this process has to be repeated a number of times if something is missing or not filled out properly.

Then, the court takes a few weeks to set up a court date... which can often be months away!

The outcome appears to be fairly obvious, but I will refer again to this example concerning Brad. He is most likely going to lose this great new job because he can't afford to get to work. It will be a long time before this case is even considered for modification. If he loses this job, he will only be faced with more arrears.

This is his situation, and it is happening right now. I can't help but wonder why it has to be so lengthy. So much of the correspondance could be done through e-mail, or fax even! Yet, none of this is offered. It is all over the phone and through the mail. This seems unecessary in 2007. This seems like child support is just going too far. They don't have to be so difficult!

Lastly, I have to ask... how often is child support actually used for the child?! Whatever the actual expense is of having a child, how often is it exceeded by the amount paid by the noncustodial parent? Child support should exist for the child's best interest, not the custodial parents. Instead, the existence of child support usually hurts the child.