Child Support System is Disgraceful
Is This Happening to You?
Where I live, it is a so called 'right to work' state. That said, I do not believe for one minute that if a person can consciously make a choice to reproduce, that he or she should have the right not to work.
From a personal perspective, I have seen much heartache caused not only by the way this prehistoric system is setup, but also the humiliation suffered by my husband in the past 8 years alone.
In this time, ex wife, who has 3 certified professions from various colleges, is permitted to sit at home on her butt, while my husband is expected to pay her a wage of $200 per week for doing so. I know this money is for the children, try telling her that. In the past 7 years, he has been in court 8 times, on all occasions it was nothing more than her pleading for more money.
Let me now share with you the most recent event. I am sure you will be as gobsmacked as I was at the outcome.
Being rightfully responsible for my step children's medical insurance, my husband was allowed to claim one of the children on his tax return to offset his 50% share of co-pays for medical treatment. He also paid that same amount for any medication required. This was not a problem at all, and since he had a great job making awesome pay things should have been left alone. Not so.
In Feb 2006 he was again summoned to appear in court, where said ex wife proceeded to break down in an academy award winning display of tears, claiming that he had "willfully refused and neglected" to forward funds as per agreed, for co-pays and medication for the 2 children. After being asked twice by the Judge had she actually paid these bills, she then paraded another round of heartbreaking emotion and said that she had, and as a result the children have suffered by not having adequate nutritional food and basic clothing necessities etc. These children always wear brand name clothing.....
The Judge glared at my husband, and took her word that she had in fact paid these bills, although no receipts were provided in court.
As a result, my husband was ordered to serve 8 consecutive weeks community service, and was fired from his high paying job as a direct result . His terms of employment stated that he was to be available 24/7 on call, and since this was not possible his employment was promptly terminated.
The stress was overwhelming, and after obtaining unemployment benefits, from which the Child Support office took almost $200 per week from $330, we were forced to leave our home and move to a more rural setting near family where we could ask for financial help from them. The upside was, we were now closer to the children, although the Judge had also ordered a stop to our visitation, since ex wife had also claimed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for both kids due to us verbally and physically abusing our daughter. Of course this was unfounded, but ex had taken progress notes from the Psychologist's office concerning the questions the kids were asked. It was never diagnosed. These notes were not admissible and this material should have been thrown out of court, It was not.
We went another 16 months without having any contact with our kids at all, it was devastating.
It is worth mentioning at this point, that after we moved to a town closer to the children that we began receiving phone calls from debt collectors. Upon investigation by ourselves, we were horrified to discover that not only had she not paid the bills for which were were sued, but that she had also booked many of them in my husband's and the children's names. Another log for the retaliation notes for when we get back to court. She had spent the money elsewhere and has since filed bankruptcy to rid herself of all other leftover obligations.
Recently, we visited an Attorney on another matter who was horrified to see the amount of Child Support being paid to This woman. Since my husband had recovered , he had taken a new job, which pays almost $25,000 less per year but the Child Support Office continually refuses to respond to his phone calls requesting a review for lowering his payment obligation.
Now I have a few questions.
Who do these people think they are?
Where is the justice for people like my husband?
If you are in a position of political power, why are you not liking into this? You should all be deeply ashamed of yourselves. We lived on beans and bread for almost a whole year while my husband was sick, since I also was not able to work at that time.
At this point, I am proud to say that I went back to school and have now gained Certification in Clinical Hypnotherapy. I do extremely well with my writing about that, and other things for pay - online. I love to show people how I can do it, so I share what I have learned. This allows me to be able to help other distressed people, as I was, and also bridges an almost $20,000 gap for us. For both we are very thankful. Others however remain less fortunate, and I will make waves wherever I need to until something is done to get recognition for these non custodial parents who are being forced to cower both mentally and financially to what amounts to nothing more than a system of greed.
I am so disgusted at this whole scenario I began writing an hour ago and had to walk away in tears just typing the words.
Fortunately, I am able to utilize some calming techniques which work rather quickly. Thank heavens my sanity is safe.
When will these people realize that there is no such thing as just dead beat dads,and there is no such thing as a right to work state when you have clearly chosen to make babies. Saidex wife, and many like her are legally permitted to sit on their rear ends and make money from hard working decent people, at the expense of the mental health and development of their children who are kept away from the other parent in what only amounts to financial blackmail.? Our kids love us to bits, as we do them. Now , happily, we are able to see them again and it is the most enjoyable time for us all.
If you have a comment to make, I urge you to do so.
If you are a primary custodial parent who cannot work due to a medical condition of your own, or one of your children, then I am not referring to you.
Published by Kerry Mulherin
Kerry is a freelance writer and blogger. She is currently working toward an advanced degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology with an emphasis on web business, member productivity and motivation, and i... View profile
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13 Comments
Post a CommentMove to Georgia where they do nothing to Father who don't pay. My ex-husband is over $2500 in arears and haven't made a child support payment in 2 months. He still have his license. He's lived in GA for 7 years and only worked 3 years. He been off and on unemployment for the past 4 years.
Im living on Disability. I have 25% of my heart left. An enlarged heart, heart failure and have to sleep on a machine. I can't work. The state of Illinois took my drivers lic for child support arrearages. I can't get to the Doctor or Hospital if I need to. Can't get my prescriptions or food. My life is over and I hope I'll die soon! I refuse to pay any more child support, all I get is disability. I need every penny to live. The U.S. Constitution no longer applies to me. Domestic relation cases have made the Constitution VOID for men. My movements, private life, money, conversations, drivers lic, everything in my life is subject to the control of a Judge. The State of Illinois has denied modification on my support so they are going to persecute me till i'm dead. I hope that will be soon. All I wanted was to die in peace. This is no longer a free country. I am defenseless and powerless confronted by dozens of State agencies out to destroy me. Put me on the street or jail me. I have no ri
I'm definitely becoming very familiar with the wrong side of the child support enforcement system. I truly don't understand any of it. The only thing it seems to be good for is for a vindictive custodial parent to get back at an ex-spouse. My ex was able to pass off receipts for a school trip to Boston (we live in Nevada) as "medical expenses." He actually had receipts for these. I love my kids, but I can't afford trips to Boston for them.
I can so relate to these issues. I also love my children and it's my fault I just plum gave up about 7 years ago on this whole mess. I owe so much back child support it is not funny. I tried and tried to see my children spending money on attorneys to take my ex to court all they did was threaten her and kicked us out the door. Well the threat went over well for about 6 months then right back to the same old games. Another $1000 wasted on the attorney hope his kids got some new any thing what ever with the money I pretty much just gave away because he was a flop job. So looking around at the situation I decided it was time for me to make a career change so I could pay my ex who also should be in hollywood because she can act real well. I made the decision to go to truck driving school all on loans that I would pay back, so I went to school got my lic. and all was going good. Unbenounced to me the good old state of New Mexico were our divorce was final suspends my class A CDL. So I lose
I've written a book about my experiences in Family Court (ISBN 0-9824163-1-0). I would like to get some bloggers to read it, and comment on it. Can you advise me as to who I might contact to get this done?
Thank you.
Oltramp@roadrunner.com
non-collected money will be 78 million next year and will only grow, why? because they try to get money from people, but ruin there chances to get more income. So, the money that is used to pay for the DA and all it's cost will be sent to the welfare department/social services.The money from the Child support fund, which will be millions and millions of dollars. The social service department will issue, child support payments based on their own states standards. They will help the mothers with getting better jobs, and better education via vouchers and education assistance, child care, health care for the children, and college assistance for the children when they get older. assistance for special needs child etc. All of this will basically be paid for by all non-custodial parents in the Trust fund. Everyone helps each other and everyone gets paid. NO court orders, no anger with parents because they all get what they need.
It is 19 years later for me and it is even worse. I have a solution to child support. I can fix this. The first thing is to remove the courts from this issue. The family house hold is not a place for the courts. I repeat the state courts should not be involved with the family and support /visitation issues. There are too many variables and emotional issues that a judge and child support officer can deal with. As far as money, I have the solution for that, so that the non-custodial parent gets, free child care, college education payments, health care, child support payments, food vouchers, job assistance, clothing vouchers, and more.
This is what we do, we apply a new income tax deduction to non-custodial parents for a special "Child Support Fund". this money goes into a pool like a pension fund, which grows with investments and interest. It is managed by a separate agency, NOT THE DA. the DA is Closed down! It is a waste of tax payer money. It collects only 15% of what is owed the
i can so relate to all of this........i have my two children three weekends a month.......and i can never wait to see them........i have went to school full time for the last three yrs so i can make a better life for them..........paid my dues for sure........I lived homeless in my car in walmart parking lot because my childsupport was so high........but that was not a deterant......i graduated from nursing school........but i cannot get a licence because im in arrears............amazing huh?.......i have them every weekend almost and i never take a week of for dad.......they are the most important.....but now i cant better myself because i tried to better myself by going to school............so now i just sit back and await permission to take my licensure test..........i make nine dollars an hour as an aid............my check grossed a thousand dollars.............i brought home only two hundred........i live sixty miles away from the hospital i work at and do not have enough money t
very informative and important topic!
Good grief! The sheer greed of this woman just astounds me. I'm also amazed that the judicial system took her side even when she didn't have receipts and other evidence to present. It's hardly the same, but when my stepson spent 3 years living with us, his mother never paid any child support. She agreed to pay for air fares to get him home, but she only did so once in 3 years and on another occasion, she tried to persuade us to pay. We didn't. Many such mothers are very greedy and just want to squeeze extra money out of the fathers. I hope your family situation improves.
Sophie