Children and Divorce: Helping Children Understand Divorce

Not long after I was born my parents, like far to many today, were whisked into the clutches of divorce. Looking back I clearly understood my role in their marriage as one who was destined to save this marriage. Having failed at my role so young in life set in motion a series of bad choices that I would orchestrate well into the adult stages of my life.

Given that divorce is so prevalent in today's society I believe it critical for people to do everything they can as it relates to helping children understand divorce. While I'm clearly not a "children and divorce" therapist, to be honest I'm not a Psychologist in any form, I believe the information I will be sharing is important both for parents and children coping with the heartbreak of divorce.

Therefore, where the rubber meets the road you will likely find a great deal of anger and animosity exchanged between the ex-partners, especially in the early days of this tragic life-altering event. I know that was the case in my own family, the question is what do you do with all these fragile emotions that are now being experienced.

Tell The Truth

While a child may not need to know the gory graphic details of what has led their family down this path, they also don't need stories created or the basics of facts withheld. Letting them know of key events that they will understand will help children piece together the brokenness of their world. But only provide to them what they need rather than what you may want to tell them.

In my own case, I brought up various questions throughout my growing years to my mommy. She helped me understand that drinking and loose living do not lead to successful long-term relationships. Eventually I was able to see that the fault of this divorce did not reside with me at all, which helped me to realize that there was nothing I could have ever done to save this relationship.

Keep To The Facts

How easy it would have been for her to run down my daddy as a viciously cruel man when answering my questions. After all, his sins deserve to go public, especially to his offspring. Right?

Wrong, and I'm glad she held back on this part of the answer. Knowing of misconduct in events while avoiding character assassinations whenever possible helped me hold a respectable amount of respect for my dad no matter what he had done. This is very important, for no matter what a parent has done; in the eyes of a child they are still their mommy and/or daddy.

Positively Focused

I also remember my mom expounding on the good qualities of my dad more than once. Through this I learned that the real demon of the family was alcohol not my daddy. This helped me to maintain respect for my dad himself while being saddened by the choices he had elected to make.

Since this event takes place far to much in our culture it is a good thing to be able to relate children and divorce in as positive a light as possible. To that end, having both a mother and father that a child can look up to goes a long way in helping children understand divorce.