Children of Gay Parents

A child who has gay parents has three developmental stages. The first stage is developing social relationships. Acceptance of the parent or parents' homosexuality is an internal problem. It is a major problem for children to accept and deal with the homosexuality of their parent(s). If they accept their parents, they tend to find themselves. There are things that affect the child's acceptance of the gay parent or parents.

The greatest impact on the child is when the parent "comes out of the closet." The age of the child when he/she finds out determines how they react and are affected. When the child is raised in an openly gay family from youth, the child may not realize until he or she is older that the family is different from other families. Therefore, they often accept the parent more readily. As an older child, he or she may be able to understand the situation better than as a younger child; but, he or she often has more difficulty accepting the parent(s). Expressing their feelings to their parents about the subject builds a sense of pride in the family and strengthens their own self-esteem.

In addition, there are several things that prevent one from having a good bond with their parent(s). The thought of the other child's biological parent affect how the gay parent is accepted. It is the most influential part of all these. If the other parent is not accepting of the gay parent, the child feels he or she must choose sides. Thus, when the other parent has negative and degrading comments, the attitude and emotions of the child are changed.

In addition, views of the extended family, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles can also influence whether or not the child accepts their gay parents. If the extended family does not accept the gay parent's relationship, it can have an impact on the entire extended family. Afterward, the child has to learn to keep secrets and express only certain parts of their parents' relationship.

The community's overall view on gays is another thing that influences the child's view. The child of gay parents often close the family relationship off from the community. The child may try to make everyone think that his/her family is like a heterosexual family. Frequently, the child keeps the family life a secret until he/she goes through acceptance.

Still, another factor that influences the child is whether he or she was taught to respect others, without prejudices or biases. Even if a child does not know early about the parents' homosexuality, he or she can be raised to accept all aspects of life. This includes the use of prejudice against others on the basis of race, creed, gender and also sexual orientation. Therefore, the child later more easily accepts the parents' homosexuality.

The most influential factor in the child's life is his or her peers. At first, the child often hides the homosexuality of the parents from other people, even their close friends. This is often due to the fear of being taunted or ostracized by their peers. So, often the child only includes close friends in this knowledge after their acceptance.

The second step of development is sexual identity, and is probably the hardest and most controversial issue. Children of gay parents are less likely to be restricted by traditional gender roles, and are encouraged to find their own self-identification regarding males or females. A researcher named Green conducted a study that stated there are five things that children in a gay family are more likely to do: cross-dress, engage in activities traditionally regarded to the opposite sex; girls of lesbian families are more likely to take masculine jobs, play rough and have traditional boy toys.

Children of gay parents are taught about sexual orientation. Parents teach their children that it is acceptable to be gay OR straight. Their parents more easily accept them than those of heterosexual parents. Children of a heterosexual family would not know how to deal with it as much. Research by studies of Bailey 1995, Bozett 1989 and many others shows normal gender identity. There tends to be NO relationship between the sexual orientation of the child and the sexual orientation of the parents.

The third stage is personality development. The courts express fears that the children of gay parents will be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, adjustment difficulties and behavior problems. These problems are thought to usually start in adolescence, when the child first finds out about the parent(s). However, research shows that the sexual, mental and social development of the child seems normal when compared to children of heterosexual families. The feelings of the court are purely mythes that one would grow up to be gay and have mental and social difficulties.

Most research says that children will not be psychologically damaged and will not be continuously harassed. The one thing that people need to understand about gay families is that

THE CHILDREN GET THE SAME THINGS THAT ALL CHILDREN NEED. THOSE NEEDS ARE LOVE, SUPPORT, AND ATTENTION FROM THEIR FAMILIES.

The only part that makes it harder is the steps the child has to go through.