Children Having Children: Why is it Happening?

Through my work with high school age children, particularly girls, I have had the opportunity to encounter several young people that have children when they themselves are only in their early teens. Recently, I asked some of them the main reasons that this life changing even took place for them so many years earlier than most people. The answers I got were insightful and informative as well as honest.

1.) OOPS - A few of the girls admitted that they did not think getting pregnant would happen to them. They did not mean to get pregnant and consider it in their minds as a mistake. Whether they had sexual intercourse once or several times, they felt like they were invincible when it came to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Even though they had all had at least one, if not several classes from middle school on up that discussed safe sex, it did not seem to them like it was something that would ever happen to their lives. Once they discovered they were expecting, it was a choice that they made to keep and raise the child to the best of their ability. Commendable on that front, but somewhat sad that they consider it all a big mistake.

2.) Keeping the Guy - This was in the girls' minds one of the most logical excuses for getting pregnant so young. Several of the female teens that I know and that have had babies admit that they thought getting pregnant would help them keep their boyfriend in their life forever. It did not occur to them that boys this age would have little interest in being a father before they could even drive a car. For some of the girls, their relationships seemed in their minds to be in danger of failing, so they thought getting pregnant would help save the relationship. Unfortunately for many of them, the boyfriend did not remain in the relationship and often times does not have a relationship with their child.

3.) Someone to Love Me - At the time that some of these girls got pregnant, it seemed like no one cared about them in a way that made them feel loved. The girls felt that if they had a baby, there would be someone that loved them forever. They believed that it would be a love no one could take away from them. In fairness to this particular set of girls, they have had limited exposure to unconditional love and almost any human being strives for that kind of love in their life. What many of them did not count on was that the work that would be involved in this little baby that was now the center of their life might at some points strain the loving relationship between mother and child.

4.) My Sister Has a Baby - There are entire families that I have encountered that find it perfectly acceptable and even encourage their teens to have babies at a young age. It seems almost to be a rite of passage in some families. The teenager wanted a baby because their sisters, mothers, aunts, and grandmothers had children at a young age and they want to be a part of the family. It almost seems to be a symbol of status and acceptance in these families and any other point of view on teenage pregnancy is simply ridiculous to them.

5.) Embarrassed To Ask Questions - It was astounding to realize how little these particular teenage girls understand about contraception. It was even more concerning that they were and still are embarrassed to ask anyone questions. One young lady informed me that there was no way she was asking her mom how to put a condom on her boyfriend nor was she asking her boyfriend if he had a condom. Another one wasn't sure what to do when she missed a birth control pill, so she stopped taking them until the next month, but still figured she was safe. I inquired into why they had not asked someone, anyone, and they all admitted to feeling stupid. They feared being ridiculed or unaccepted by the people they would ask.

So, there you have it, some of the reasons that young ladies find themselves with babies when they are still just babies themselves. These reasons are real and whether they make sense to you or to me is not what matters because they make complete sense to these young people. In order to do more, we need to be ready not only to talk, but to listen and watch for signs that they need our help. We've got time for that, don't we?