Children Need to Learn the Lessons Chores Teach

As soon as a child shows an interest he or she should be allowed to help with the chores. And no, the word allowed isn't a mistake or sarcasm on my part.

As a child I was not taught vital living skills and had to learn them the hard way later on in life. I really don't recommend you handicap your children in this manner. I'll add the background part of the story to the end of this article. First though, here are my recommendations; which are based on my own child raising experiences.

Toddlers can be taught to pick up their toys and put them on shelves or in a toy box. I'll admit herding cats is easier, but if the child can get the toy in the first place, then she can put the toy back. It is up to you the parent to arrange things so your child can reach his toys and put them back when through with them.

A slightly older toddler can carry her plate and flatware from the table to the counter or sink in the kitchen. Be prepared for spillage and breakage.

By age four a child can "help" load a dishwasher. Do NOT redo the child's work. This will deliver a message that his work isn't good enough and he will quit trying to do better. One time my daughter, 8 or 9 at the time, got upset because my daughter-in-law loaded the dishwasher differently. I used this to teach her that there is more than one way to do things and tolerance for people who do things differently. Both are valuable lessons for later in life. Chores are not just about doing the work.

At this time a child can also put his dirty clothes in a basket and shoes in a designated place. Children of this age can also use a dust mop on hard floors or dust surfaces within their reach. They certainly won't do as good a job as you would but, again, don't redo the work. Just do a really good job of vacuuming each week to pick up the dirt and dust that got shoved aside.

By the time a child is ten he or she should be able to prepare a simple meal, clean up afterwards, do a load of laundry, pick up and run the vacuum. A child who knows how to do these things won't be completely at a loss when she goes away to college or otherwise leaves home.

Now I'll give some background to explain why I consider learning to do chores such an important part of a child's upbringing.

I was my mother's only child. She worked to support the family and my grandmother was my caregiver. This was a less unusual arrangement in the forties and fifties than many would have women believe. In looking back not one of my friends had stay-at-home moms. One friend's mother was a teacher, another's a nurse, yet another friend's mother was a doctor. There was one mother who was the chief teller at a large bank and another who was a lawyer. My own mother owned and operated her own business, a café. Nearly all her waitresses, bus help, cooks and assorted others needed to keep a 24 hour café operating were working mothers. Because the location of mama's café was convenient, the food good, and the prices reasonable, many women from surrounding businesses ate lunch or supper there.

What does any of this have to do with kids and chores? Plenty! While I was my mother's only child I was the eleventh child my grandmother raised. She not only raised her own three children, she took in the two children of her dead sister, three children of her second husband and a couple of kids who just needed a home. By the time I came along she was tired of raising kids.

"Bettye, just go sit down and play with your dolls." Or "Bettye don't help." Were familiar refrains of my childhood. And, once I was a mother myself, I understood why. It is much easier and faster to do something yourself than to let a child do it. However, not letting children help with work and teaching them how to do it will cause some severe problems later in a child's life. I know because it certainly did in my case and I've observed those problems in full measure in children who were raised in a similar fashion.

Because I operated a stable that boarded horses and I gave lessons over the years I acquired a lot of experience with privileged children. Like it or not, and I don't much, there has to be a certain level of discretionary income before children get lessons in unnecessary skills such as music, art, dancing and horseback riding. These children frequently arrived with absolutely no ability whatsoever to do any kind of physical work.

Part of learning to ride horses at my place included learning to catch, groom and saddle the horse. I considered the entire art of horsemanship important. Because of the lack of training in doing chores though, it was often necessary to spend a certain amount of time and effort building the children's strength to the point where they could do these chores.

Because of these problems I decided early on that my children were going to know how to do basic tasks such as clean a room, cook a meal and do basic laundry. I also decided to treat school as their job; one that needed to be done regardless of what else was going on in their lives. This did have an unintended side effect. Both of my children are workaholics. When I mentioned this little flaw to one of my friend's she fell over laughing. It seems she considers me a workaholic as well.