Children Are Like Butterflies: How Not to Break Your Child's Spirit

Soft, delicate and easily broken, these are words that can describe a child's heart. They are tender and insecure. Children often look to you to derive their sense of the world around them. Their spirits hover on your every word. You have influence beyond what you could possibly imagine! The power over a child's heart is not a position to be lightly taken.

Good and evil are in your hands. Raise your child towards purity and goodness and your child will walk in that direction. Show your child how to create a life full of purpose and direction and he or she will take the baton and continue striving towards making efforts which change the world. All of these things are awesome responsibilities that most parents understand.

A Child's SECRET Nature

However, there is a secret nature of children that most people do not fully grasp. As a child care worker for several years, I have watched the growth of countless children and I have seen many parents interact with various children of various ages and personalities. The one thing I notice is the rough attitude an astounding number of parents have with their children. Please don't misunderstand. These parents love their children and would do anything for their children - even die for them. However, there is a something very few parents understand....the nature of their children.

Commonalities for All Children

Perhaps you believe that all children can not be put in the same box....yet, I will say there is an aspect COMMON to ALL children that many parents overlook. I have never seen a child yet that does not have this nature. A child's nature is difficult to describe. However as long as I have known children, I have seen that this nature is common to all.

The first commonality is that children need to be loved. This is an obvious one that most people understand. Therefore it is not necessary to spend much time on this topic. However to children TIME is often equal to LOVE. This is a point many parents do not understand and therefore it is important to note. It is not necessary to plan time with your children by always doing fun events. However, it is necessary to ALWAYS be there for your kids.

The second commonality of ALL children is the need to be accepted. Children need to be accepted. They want to share common interests with you. They would love for you to know them and understand them. They want you to know more about them and understand their world clearly. Every attempt to see the world from THEIR point of view is ALWAYS appreciated.

The third commonality of ALL children is that they FEEL JUST LIKE YOU inside. Inside their souls, they do not feel like a child. Instead they feel like a grown up. A child does not understand what right a parent feels they have to criticize or tear them down. Because inside their little souls, they are no different than me or you except for the fact that their souls are more easily crushed! Adults be careful!

The fourth commonality of ALL children is they want to be good. I have not met a child yet that did not want to be good and did not want to please you. If you look behind your actions, you will see a child who desires to do the right thing all the time. Some children have given up trying to be good because they feel it is impossible to win their parents acceptance. However, these same children will strive to perform well for other adults in an effort to gain their acceptance. Often the following statement is true: Believe your child desires to be good and you will have a good child. This is not to say their should not be rules, guidelines, rewards and boundaries. I believe their always should be these things (just like road signs help us remember to obey traffic rules and protect us from harm). However, with proper discipline and a belief in the child's ability and desire to be good, you will have a child who will continually strive to please you.

As a nanny and child care worker, I have watched many people's children. All of the children I have watched no matter sex, race or disability have had these similar commonalities. I was pleased to work for a woman who worked from home to be near her children. She understood this basic concept of a child's nature. As a nanny, I was able to provide the means for her to stay at home with her children, providing them with the reassurance of her presence.

Why it is of Utmost importance to be DELICATE with your child....

Because the above commonalities are true for all children, it is important that your child feel loved. Therefore, say "I love you" to him or her on a daily basis.

It is also important for your child to feel accepted. Be sure to HUG your child on a daily basis. Hugs are like air for a child to soar on. Also, find out more about your child. Make it your daily mission to find out what your child likes, how he or she feels about life and how he or she interprets the world around him/her. It is SO important that you become an active person in your child's life. Your children need to know that you care about what they are interested in and want to find more about what they are thinking about the world around them. Your interest in their affairs will ALWAYS be appreciated.

Because children feel exactly LIKE you inside, it is important to treat them with the utmost respect. They need your affirmation and respect. Respect them like an adult. Talk to them in a manner you would treat another adult. Yes, you are given the responsibility to train them and it is important for you to sometimes discipline your child. However, it is NEVER OK to talk down to them or treat them as inferior. Treat them as inferior as children and they will grow up feeling inferior as adults.

Realize your child wants to be good and wants to please you! This is the last commonality that is so very important that most parents understand. If needed, take yourself back to how you felt as a child. You will remember desperately WANTING to please the adults around you (unless you had given up in which case you probably would have wanted to please them if you thought it was at all possible).

By seeking to gently raise your kids, you will reap great rewards and your children will be blessed to have you as their parent!

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