Children Love to Tell on Each Other, but Why?

There seems to be three basic reasons why kids report each other's mischief to adults. The most common reason is that it gets the attention of parents, teachers and other grown ups. If you or other adults give your kids attention for tattling, they will be encouraged to continue to tell on one another.

The second reason is that children often hope to advance their own status in the family or in their parents' eyes by calling attention to the faults of others. Adults, of course, sometimes do the same thing at work and in competitive situations.

Children will continue any behavior by which they hope to gain an advantage over others. By tattling, they may hope to be seen as good and cooperative, while the kids they tattle on, they hope, will be seen as bullies and trouble makers. They hope to obtain more attention, love and privileges from adults in this way.

The third reason for tattling is that by crying and complaining about the abuse they endure, they hope to present themselves as victims. Both children and adults often like to complain about how unfairly they are treated. They secretly feel that they can establish themselves as victims; they will be free of responsibility for what happens. They may also, of course, win sympathy from others in this manner. In some cases they may relish the knowledge that those who have irritated or annoyed them will be punished.

As a parent it is best if you discourage tattling by not getting involved in your children's fights and disagreements. They will soon learn to settle their own disputes in a reasonable manner if you stay uninvolved. Your children bring their disputes to your attention in the hope that you will side with them against the other child and thereby give them the attention and recognition they hope for. If you are able to resist their ploy, they will soon abandon tattling as well as most other forms of negative attention getting.

When your child approaches you with a "crime report" listen to the story without showing any interest in it. If you are asked to intervene, quietly refuse and assure the child that you are confident that the issue can be resolved without your help. If one of your children is always tattling on others, this may be a sign that this child is discouraged and feels left out. Without getting involved in the tattling itself, you may want to take more time with the discouraged child in other ways, to reinforce the child's sense of worth and place in the family.