Chinese Trying to End So-Called "Chinglish"

As part of a preparation for the 2008 Olympics to be held in Beijing, the Chinese government has decided it's time to stop so-called "Chinglish" once and for all. Though previous attempts at properly using the de facto "language of the world" have been disastrous, this time, the totalitarian government means business.

"Chinglish," for the unaware, is the tendency for humorous results when a native Chinese speaker with limited proficiency in English tries to make something or say something in English. For example, an English speaker who visits China might see tee-shirts which read "I charmed heart doggs" or with instructions that say "Razor wash tumble dry no caterpillar."

Such translation difficulties are more often noted with China and other Asian countries such as Vietnam, Thailand, and to a lesser extent Japan for a variety of reasons. First, Chinese is a language based on pictograms rather than a standard alphabet. This has led languages such as Chinese, Korean, and Hmong to have fewer true words; instead, each pictogram in Chinese can express a variety of different words in English. In Chinese, there are 50,000 characters (although more words if one is being technical); in contrast, English has almost 1,000,000 different words by the standard count. Their pictograms express vague concepts defined by context; ours feature more precision, and this leads to troubles.

Thus, what happens is that when Chinese is used poetically or sometimes even literally, a native Chinese speaker is faced with 10 alternatives in English and often they choose the wrong one. Often they apply English formation rules to their choices not realizing that the word they formed already has another meaning. For example, a park in China that celebrated multiculturalism was recently translated as "Racist Park."

Second, the Chinese language is not related to English in any shape or form, whereas most European and even Indian languages are. And third, due to economic factors, China has tried to cater to the English market more so than, say, African nations. China is the leader of pirated goods in the world, which can explain "Garfeld" tee-shirts and "Mickey-Rat" watches.

Either way, the results have been comic fodder for websites such as Engrish.com, which celebrates the abuse of our maligned tongue with some humorous pictures taken by travelers. But the Chinese government wants to halt this before the 2008 Olympics, when the eyes of the world will be upon them, and they will be expected to use English, which is essentially the lingua franca of the world sporting community.

The government has decided to issue revised and more detailed pamphlets of proper English usage and translation, and there already is a hotline where callers can phone in misuses of the language - hopefully while using proper English themselves. The booklets themselves will be available at a variety of popular hotels, shopping centers, and tourist attractions.

Will the government's campaign of releasing small books cause a nation of over one billion to change its ways and utilize the English language properly? Only time will tell if you will still be able to order "folded milk" or "French strippers" in a Chinese restaurant, but it does not look good. China has a long reputation with tourists to overcome, but here's best wishes from me to the dirty, filthy, vile Communist heathens. Heck, if they can properly teach their citizens two languages, would one be too much to ask in America?