Choose Happiness, Not Depression, Today

Do you feel as though your life doesn't make sense? Do events and circumstances seem out of control, moving in directions that you never intended? In spite of your certainty that life isn't supposed to be like this, do you feel unable to reconcile your desires and your reality?

I have heard it said that most mental illness stems from an inability to accept reality, an internal struggle between the way things are and the way things are supposed to be. This makes sense to me. Of course we feel discouraged and depressed when, despite our best efforts, our lives do not go according to our plans. I know that mine certainly hasn't. My only sibling suffers from schizophrenia. Although we are just middle-aged, both of our parents have already suffered fatal heart attacks. My first child, born two months premature, did not survive. My youngest child took her own life.

However, I have been happily married for twenty-seven years. I have two wonderful, adult sons and a loving daughter-in-law. I am in good health. I live in a beautiful home and enjoy financial security. I have many friends. I have accomplished many of the things I dreamed of as a young person; playing the oboe, speaking another language fluently, living in Europe, snorkeling, and becoming a professional writer.

Some days I wake up and find myself dwelling on my great losses and my sorrow. I begin to feel that familiar sensation of defeat. Believe me; if this happens to you, you are not alone. Pain, loss, and disappointment are part of the human condition. We all experience these at some time. Disasters strike and we are unable to protect ourselves because we are taken completely unaware.

Let's face it; many things are just out of our control. However, we can control the way we choose to cope. We don't have to be passive victims, walking around with a KICK ME, UNIVERSE sign stuck between our shoulder blades. Terrible things can happen to us, often with no warning. Wonderful things can also happen, and do, but we can miss them because our painful experiences have left us too afraid to reach for them.

Recently, I was reading a guided meditation in Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.'s Peace, Love & Healing. Dr Siegel suggested that we imagine ourselves walking down a road until we came to an old house with a garden. In my mind's eye, I saw my grandmother's house, with its wide front porch and riot of flowers on the steep bank in front. At the guide's suggestion, I imagined myself climbing the front steps and entering the house. Right in the middle of the living room, between the old player piano and the mahogany coffee table with its ceramic dish that always held big, soft, pillow-shaped peppermint candies, was a trunk. I opened the trunk, and discovered a quilt inside. As I lifted it out, I realized that it was a crazy quilt, like the one my great-grandmother had when I was a child. Her quilt had been pieced from many different fabrics, cut into all sorts of shapes. The pieces of cloth, you see, were scraps and remnants from all of the other things my great-grandmother had made. There were bits of soft flannel and corduroy from work clothes, bright scraps of calico from everyday dresses, and even shapes cut from the silks and satins that she used to make special party dresses for her daughters. All of these had been fitted carefully together, like a king-sized puzzle, and their seams were outlined with exquisite stitching. On many of the pieces, my great-grandmother embroidered dates and messages, so that the special meaning of the scraps would be remembered: Jim's shirt, Irma's prom dress, Mary's graduation gown. I realized that the quilt I was holding was my special quilt, made just for me, and that it was pieced from scraps that represented events in my life. Regarded as a heap of irregularly shaped, unassembled leftover bits of cloth, they would resemble nothing so much as a mess. Somehow, fitted together with a loving hand, they made something valuable.

You have a crazy quilt, too. If you like, come into my grandmother's house with me, and take your own quilt from the trunk. What does it look like? How does it feel? Look for the special events that are recorded with careful embroidery. Remember, your quilt is beautiful, warm and soft. It is big enough to cover you completely, and it is yours to keep. Best of all, there are many lovely scraps that represent events that are still in your future. Bits of silk, satin, and velvet commemorate precious times that are still to come. I invite you to take this image with you. For the rest of today, and in difficult days to come, return to this image from time to time. In your imagination, wrap yourself in your own, special, crazy quilt. Feel its warmth and comfort. Run your fingers over the textures of the different pieces, and allow yourself to marvel over the unique way that all the oddly shaped pieces really do fit together. Your quilt is yours alone, and it is beautiful and good. Feel joyous anticipation as you wonder about those shapes that represent future experiences. Look for those experiences, and have a good day.

Reference:

Siegel, Bernie S., M.D. Peace, Love & Healing. New York: Harper & Row, 1989.