Choosing a Divorce Lawyer - A Good Lawyer Can Make All the Difference in a Divorce

When you make the decision to divorce, your choice of legal council can make or break your future happiness, and not just for financial reasons, though that of course is part of the picture. Divorce is difficult in even the best of situations, though I am still having a hard time believing the perfect ex spouse stories. My situation was a long grueling misery which ended suddenly one day. It was a quick and deliberate cut off, as that was the only way it was possible. My previous attempts to leave and then communicate at from a distance didn't work. Communication was too hard and when the two sides disagree, that initial separation is too raw and communication can be impossible. A lawyer at this point, can and should be able to advise and serve as mediator. The lawyer should be the voice of reason, looking out for your best interest.

Opening up the phone book and flipping through the listings is one way to locate a lawyer, though not the best. Asking friends or acquaintances to get a referral is the best option. Though uncomfortable and embarrassing, it is the best thing to do. Getting a referral from someone else who is knowledgeable can save you much frustration and disappointment. You don't have to know someone who is actually divorced, but maybe someone who works in the field or a related field. You might also try calling agencies in your area that work with women and divorce, ask them for a referral. Call the facilitator of a divorce support group at your church or in your community or go to a meeting and talk to people about your needs and concerns.

I unfortunately flipped through the phone book and found someone that I didn't know. I knew plenty of people who could have given me a referral or advice, but I was uncomfortable and just wanted to do this as anonymously as possible. The attorney I met with was nice and presumably intelligent. I had to give him $2500 up front and sign a bunch of papers. He assured me we would be divorced in a couple of months. We did some paperwork and discussed what I would want in terms of an agreement. He was rushed, and I got little advice. My ex husband refused to sign any agreements so there would be no quick deal. When I went back for appointment number two, the lawyer asked me to write my statement and pick the reason for divorce. I was shocked to learn, after I gave him the money, that there was no means for a no-fault divorce in my state. I had to pick cruelty, adultery, abandonment or alcoholism. I didn't feel I could do that and so that is where it ended. My other option was to wait eighteen months. I never heard form my attorney again. I called my lawyer eighteen months later and after three weeks of phone calls, he has not returned my call. His secretary told me the file is in the storage unit, closed and she would have to go dig it out. I'm stronger now, and will be filing a complaint. Maybe his action or inaction is legal, but as a human being it's unconscionable.

So here is my advice after talking to many people and doing my own research. You have to get a reference or referral from someone you know or trust. Do not give a lawyer $2500 up front, it's way too much. If he isn't willing to work with you, he isn't willing to work. Be completely businesslike and make it clear that you are paying them to work for you. You are the boss; the lawyer is not doing you any favors. The lawyer is not your friend, do not let them waste time, time is money. Put as much as possible in writing to your lawyer. Get an email address or fax number to send them written memos. Most importantly, educate yourself and make sure you have an idea about the laws in your state. Call the courthouse in your county for any free information. You may actually be able to get a free divorce kit and do much, if not all the work yourself, depending on your situation. Take your time. In my initial haste, I was willing to give up almost everything to get out. It has since worked to my advantage that my ex-husband, in his anger refused to sign anything. I am able to make much better decisions eighteen months later. Next, I'll be writing an article on my thoughts regarding child support, particularly for those of you who have older kids and may not think you need the assistance.