Choosing a Last Name When You Marry

When a couple decides to get married, there are many decisions to make from the minute the proposee says, "Yes!" Who do you tell first? Who do you invite? Elope? Big wedding?

Where do you begin?

So many people think that one choice is a no-brainer, especially since tradition dictates what every woman should do: Take your future husband's family's last name as your own. Right?

Fortunately, this becomes less and less of a no-brainer each year, as more and more women-and even men-realize that they want something different, something more suited to their new life together.

When my husband and I decided to marry, we began discussing this very seriously. I wanted to keep my last name and he wanted me to take his. It had the potential to become "a big deal" in the scheme of things even in the midst of the other decisions. We both decided to do our own research on the options a couple has when deciding to change their names for marriage. Unfortunately, there were many choices but no one place had them all. Below are the many options a couple has when it come to naming their new family unit.

For the following examples, we will assume that the couple being married are named Marie Anne Saterlee and John Alex Morton.

Take the husband's family name. This choice has become the traditional choice in the United States. Even though it is often the expected outcome for the process of name changes after a wedding, it is not the only option. There are very few legal objections for this choice, as it has become expected, and most states make this choice very easy simply by checking a box on the marriage license or having other simple procedures in place for this transition for the woman.

Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Morton.

Take the wife's family name. This option is not used as often, and it may be more difficult for the man to change his family's name. You will need to find out the legal steps involved for the man to change his name. Sometimes this is as simple as providing the marriage certificate, but other times it involves a more complicated legal process, such as putting the information in the newspaper to ensure that there are no objections or petitioning for a legal name change. You will need to check the laws in the state you are getting married and/or where you are planning to enact the name change prior to this.

Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Saterlee.

Combine the two names into a hyphenated (or spaced) last name. This has long been a solution for those woman who want to keep the ties to their own family name yet still show that they've married into a new family as well. More and more, however, this is becoming an option for both parties in order for the entire family unit to have the same last name. The man, the woman, or both may take both last names. The choices include hyphenating the last name (example: Saterlee-Morton) or not (Saterlee Morton)), as the couple chooses.

Presenting John Alex Morton and Marie Anne Saterlee-Morton.
Presenting John Alex Morton-Saterlee and Marie Anne Saterlee.
Presenting John Alex Saterlee Morton and Marie Anne Saterlee Morton.

Combine the two last names into a completely new last name to designate the new family unit. This option actually includes many, almost endless, options within. Some couples combine the letters of the last name to create a completely new and unique last name, simply by attempting to use all letters. Others will use portions of the name to create a new last name or one that is recognizable but not either party's family name (e.g., Gilpin and Freeman to Gilman).

Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Asolemnertorte.
Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Saterton.
Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Morlee.

Keep one of the last names and use the other as a middle name. This was often used in the United States when women married. They would lose their middle name (if they even had one) and use their maiden name as the middle name. Today, some men choose to do this as well: Instead of taking both names as a last name, a different compromise may be made to use one last name as a middle name instead.

Presenting John Alex and Marie Saterlee Morton.
Presenting John Morton and Marie Anne Saterlee.
Presenting John Saterlee and Marie Saterlee Morton.

Both keep their own last names.At times, a couple may decide that they are comfortable with each keeping their own names, or they may decide to do so for personal or professional reasons (e.g., an artist keeping his/her last name, as that is the name they are known by professionally). Another option may be to use one name professionally, perhaps using one of the previously mentioned options, and another one privately. The artist may use John Alex Morton professionally but choose to personally change his name to John Alex Saterton.

Presenting John Alex Morton and Marie Anne Saterlee.

Find a completely new last name that you both like and agree on.This option is most likely the least used and most couples probably don't even consider it an option; however, it is a choice that may be useful if both agree that they would like something new. Some couples may choose a name that has a meaning that they both like (e.g., Barimeus, meaning "honorable"). Others may decide that they don't like or have no special attachment to their former last names for a variety of reasons. In this case, the couple may pick and choose amongst all last names to find one that they both like and would like to use in their married life as the name for their family as a unit.

Presenting John Alex and Marie Anne Barimeus.

Again, each state has different laws regarding name changes, even given that a marriage has taken place. Most often these laws do not allow for the man to change his name for marriage easily (although it can still be done through legal procedures that vary from state to state), although some states do allow this without questions or contention. Please be sure to contact the authority that authorizes and approves marriage licenses in your state with any questions you may have regarding name change legalities. Each option is viable; however, it may take a bit more paperwork or even a court decision in some states.

Many times, it's hard to find all the options available to you as a newly married couple. Determining your new family name should not be as big a source of stress as the rest of the wedding, and it may be as simple as finding a compromise with which both of you are comfortable. Discussing the options available to you with your future spouse and, possibly, other family members and friends is a good start toward finding a choice that is acceptable for both.