Choosing and Planning a Co-ed Baby Shower

Baby showers used to be the exclusive province of women. Friends and relatives of the mother-to-be would get together with her, giving gifts and playing silly games - just generally enjoying their time together and helping her celebrate the arrival of the baby.

But that tradition is changing. More and more baby showers are going "coed" and including men. The biggest reason seems to be the discovery that many men really *want* to attend them. They want to be more involved in the process of planning for the baby, but they can be frustrated by the emphasis placed on the mother-to-be; after all, she's the one who'll be giving birth. But carrying the baby also gives her a kind of "automatic bonding," which the father-to-be doesn't have. Including him in the shower can make him feel more a part of the entire baby-planning process. As one site says, "It took two to create, so two should celebrate!"

If you're planning a baby shower and would like to include the father-to-be, the first step is making sure he wants to attend. After all, you may think it's a great idea for him to be there, but he may disagree. Of course this can create problems if you wanted the shower to be a surprise. But it's safer, because the father's decision can completely change your plans for the shower. Anyway, it can still be half a surprise; you don't have to tell the mother.

If the father-to-be does want to attend the shower, then your next step is to make sure he isn't the only man there. You can get suggestions from him for other men to invite, including friends and relatives and maybe even coworkers. But don't forget your female guests; they have spouses who also might want to attend. This means the invitation list will include some women, some men, and some couples. If you're inviting couples, make sure both names are on the invitation.

Keep the invitations and other party favors - and prizes, if you have any - from being too "feminine." For example, even if the baby is a girl, making everything pink might not be a good idea. Your male guests need to feel just as comfortable at the shower as the women.

Consider non-traditional themes for your shower, like a barbecue or beach party. That's another way to help the guys feel more "at home" there.

As for the date - stay away from major sporting events. Of course not all men like sports, but there are so many who do that if you plan your shower on the same day as "The Big Game" you may not have many male guests. And that could make the father-to-be feel very lonely there - or frustrated because he can't watch the game too!

When it comes to shower games it's a good idea to cut back on or eliminate them altogether. There are a few that men might enjoy, but probably not many. Always keep your individual guests in mind, though; if you know everyone who's coming you might be able to make exceptions here, because you'll know what people like and don't like.

A couple of suggestions about gifts: First, remember that a coed shower is about both parents, not just the mother. Give gifts that either the baby or the entire family can use. If the couple has registered at a local store make sure you mention this on the invitation; it will make choosing a gift that much easier. And at the actual shower, both parents should open the gifts - not just the mother-to-be. This might sound awkward at first, but actually, men - the father-to-be and the guests - can enjoy the opening of gifts just as much as women. In fact, they may make the process even more entertaining with their own unique point of view on the gifts being presented.

Baby showers have traditionally been a "women's thing," but they don't have to be. Men can make a baby shower more interesting as well as fun. But more importantly, including men in this traditional pre-baby "rite" can do a lot to help them be more involved in all the celebrations of the birth.