Choosing A Religion: My Journey from Christianity to Taoism

What a long, strange trip it's been. And to think, the journey isn't even half over, fate willing. I started my journey baptized in a Presbyterian church, with parents and friends beaming onwards, and now I stand preparing to dedicate myself to the study and pursuit of the Tao. In between I have flirted with everything from Catholicism to atheism, from Witchcraft to Hinduism, from shamanism to Satanism. Below is a brief account my journey, and a few things I have learned along the way.

I first began my journey by being raised in the Southminster Presbyterian Church in Pennsylvania. It was the church of my parents, a church of my brothers, and I was taught that it was the church for me. At one point during high school, I was convinced that I would become a minister, and serve the parishioners in that same church. But as I told myself over and over again that this is what was meant to be, something inside me searched for something else. Finally I sat down with the youth minister to speak with him about my thoughts. After a lengthy discussion of what exactly a minister's life entailed, he advised me to go off to college and experience life. If I still felt the calling, then the church would be there when I returned.

So I went off to college, fully expecting to return in four years time with a teaching degree and to enter the seminary. I realize now, that both those plans were not meant to be, and never really were. Perhaps I was doing it because I thought it was expected of me, or perhaps I saw it as the only way I could serve a higher power in my life. In either case, my first year at college quickly taught me that I wasn't cut out to be a teacher of children, or to minister to them. I simply didn't have the patience necessary.

So with a new major, and a fresh outlook on life, I began to truly explore the world around me. I took a few comparative religion classes, even met a few people of different religions. I met Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs, Wiccans, Catholics, even Satanists. Each of them taught me quite a bit about themselves and their religion, but most of all they taught me about myself. My Wiccan friends, who I joined in practice for a time, taught me to recognize the changes in the seasons for the miracles that they were, and the cycles in the natural world. My Catholic friends taught me to see the beauty and power in sacrifice and belief. My Jewish friends taught me the steadfastness of patience and tradition. A study of Buddhism taught me about the transient and illusionary nature of reality, while Satanism taught me about taking full and personal responsibility for my actions instead of shoving it off on society or a divine presence.

But with all these new understandings, something still was missing. Christianity left me feeling boxed out with its focus on the paternal divine, and paganism provided a lot of choice, but little comfort in the multitude of gods. The Eastern philosophies were more understandable to me, perhaps because of my exposure to the martial arts from an early age due to my friends. However, Hinduism and Buddhism I never found to appeal to me, or ring true into my ears.

So I continued by search, studying, trying different practices, even casting quite a number of spells, and praying to the Virgin Mary on occasion. But throughout, I promised myself that I would not make any commitment to any one belief system or faith until I found one which I could accept body, mind and soul. Soon I found myself returning, yet again to the area surrounding China. I found myself returning to a philosophy that I briefly touched on in my comparative religion class. Taoism began to really peak my interest.

So like any other curious person, I started to research the topic of Taoism. I read and studied a few of the Taoist texts, including English translations of the Tao Te Ching, Chaung Tzu, even the I Ching. What I found in those texts not only made a lot of sense to me in relation to the reality that was surrounding me, but it also allowed me the freedom to be who I really was. Everything is in the Tao, everything that is positive, everything that is negative. The good, the bad, the ugly, everything is accounted for within the scope and breath of the Tao. The idea is not to fight what is, but to accept it, and learn to work with the flow. It's like being a piece of driftwood floating down a large river such as the Mississippi towards the sea. Yes, you can fight the current, and swim upstream. Yes, you can battle to the shoreline and get out. Eventually though, either by the current, by rain washing away the shoreline, or by an animal carrying driftwood over land, eventually it will reach that sea. Being in the Tao is about following the flow of the river, but also realizing that there are many valid ways of arriving at the same location.

So while I have not ended my journey, I am finally beginning to recognize the path that I am on. I'm still learning what it means to be a Taoist, but I believe that I have finally found a path that I can both accept and grow with.