Choosing to Remain Childless

When I was to do this interview, I thought that it would be easy. It's something I've dealt with my whole life, I should be an expert and the words should just roll off my keyboard. It's been anything but easy. The decision not to have children has been such an integral part of who I am that it's difficult to separate it and talk about it as one single decision. It's an emotional decision for me and it's been difficult to filter out all the emotions from the past that I don't want to discuss.

I've never wanted children. Not as a child, not as a teenager, and not as an adult. I'm now at that "biological clock is ticking" age and I still don't want any. There are emotional, environmental, and financial reasons why I choose to remain childless. These reasons are not anyone's business even though everyone (including strangers) asks me, "why?" Have you ever asked a woman why she chooses to have kids? Of course not, it is expected that this is what women want in this society. But not every woman wants to "do it all" and some of us choose to forgo children and decide to pursue other dreams.

Not having children has allowed my husband and I to travel around the world. This was always something that I wanted to spend my life doing. We've had to take a break from travel since buying a house, but we'll be able to keep traveling in the future without having to wait until children are grown, their college is paid off, etc.

We've also been able to live where we want without having to think about the school district or whether there are kids the right age in the neighborhood. We don't have to worry about whether we can afford the right colleges. Basically it has made making our major life decisions somewhat easier. I've been able to focus on my art career. It's easier to work weird hours at home, travel to craft shows, and not have to worry (as much) about making ends meet.

I've never once regretted not having kids. I don't feel like I'm missing out on some part of my life. It has been harder since our friends have all had kids. Having children changes your focus in life (or it should), so it changes your interaction with other people. It's difficult to get together and many of the conversational topics change. When only one couple in your group doesn't have kids, they can be locked out of a lot of the conversation. This doesn't end friendships, but it certainly can change the dynamics.

I don't think that it's wrong for people to have children; it just wasn't the right choice for me. I'm not alone in this decision and we aren't any less a woman to live this way. It doesn't mean I'm cold, that my life is empty, or that I'm any more selfish than any other human being. It also doesn't mean my life is easier than a parent's, just different. We all have tough decisions to make in life, but this is one choice I've never regretted.

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Wendy Edsall-Kerwin is a jewelry artist and metalsmith living and working out of her home in Elizabethtown, PA. When she isn't in the studio pounding away at metal, you can usually find her online at her blog – Hammermarks, on Twitter as @wtek, or at her website – Hammerstroke & Fire.