Choosing the Right Marriage Counselor

The idea of counseling has a negative connotation in most people's minds. They feel that it implies problems that must be fixed, which is not always the case. Marriage counselors can also serve to prevent problems from ever happening, and to strengthen the bond between partners.

Experts recommend that couples see a marriage counselor at least once a year, whether there are problems are not. It is most beneficial to see the counselor for one session individually, and then for one session together. During the individual sessions, the counselor can evaluate the responses to numerous questions and identify any problems that might be lying underneath the surface. This doesn't have to involve an intimate scrutiny of every aspect of the marriage, but serves as an overall evaluation of the relationship.

What is a marriage counselor?

A marriage counselor is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He or she usually does not have a doctoral degree - as a psychiatrist would - but is trained specifically in identifying and working through marital problems.

Who goes to see marriage counselors?

Any married couple - or a couple who is engaged - can see a marriage counselor. Sometimes, couples that are thinking about divorce see a marriage counselor in an effort to save the marriage and to reconcile their differences. It is also common for a couple that has just suffered a tragedy - such as the death of a child or a major illness in the family - to consult a marriage counselor for guidance.

Happy, healthy couples also see these professionals to guard against potential problems. Marriage counselors serve as neutral, third-party ears to whom individuals can talk about life and about their relationship. Sometimes, only one partner signs up for sessions, and sometimes both partners do, but counselors usually request to meet with partners separately first.

What can a marriage counselor do for a couple?

Many times, marital problems arise from miscommunication between partners, and a marriage counselor helps each individual to understand the other partner's feelings and thoughts. The marriage counselor can also help one partner to talk about things with which they are uncomfortable, or help one partner to admit something they are afraid to talk about.

Sometimes, the counselor doesn't have to do much but listen. Therapy is often achieved merely by giving voice to concerns and working it out within the relationship. The counselor serves as the medium through which partners can talk with one another.

How much do counseling sessions cost?

This varies by the counselor, and also by the type of therapy. If you plan to see the counselor on a regular basis, you may be given a discount for multiple sessions. Typically, counselors charge between $40.00 and $200.00 per hour, depending on expertise and education.

Unfortunately, insurance will usually not cover marriage counseling unless one or both partners suffers from a medical disorder. The good news is that most couples only need to see a marriage counselor a few times before they are released from therapy.

Where can I find a marriage counselor?

The best way to find an experienced counselor is through a referral. Often, your primary care physician can give you a referral to a fellow professional that they know, or you can talk with other couples who have gone to counseling.

If you can't get a referral, you can look up counselors in the yellow pages. If you go this route, however, I advise that you arrange an initial consultation to determine if you can get along with the counselor and if you think he or she can help you.

You can also find information online at Marriage Counselor Directory.

What about privacy?

A marriage counselor is required by law to keep everything you tell him or her private from your spouse. If you divulge fears, concerns, events or feelings, you don't have to worry that those thoughts will be conveyed to your partner.

Do marriage counselors see pre-marital couples?

If you are engaged to be married, it is an excellent idea to see a marriage counselor prior to the wedding. With the counselor, you can resolve any fears or concerns you might have about marriage, and you can identify any potential problems that might possibly hinder your relationship.

With the divorce rate as high as it is, taking every precaution against a failed marriage is a great idea. Marriage counselors are trained to identify and resolve problems between partners, and to help guard against future problems from cropping up.