Choosing the Right Time to Get Married

When I got married in May of 2005, so many people said we weren't ready. They all seemed to think that we thought marriage was just a game. When we got married, several people said we would be done in three months. When we were still together then, they said by the end of the year we would be done for sure. They found out I was pregnant and said our marriage would not last past our child's first birthday. He is 14 months old now and we are still going strong. I haven't heard anyone talking about our marriage time line lately.

People said we weren't ready to get married because we were young and hadn't been together long. I was 22 and my husband was 20 when we got married. We had been dating for only nine months, but we knew we were ready. We had talked about what we wanted our future to be like realistically. We had answered all the questions that we thought anyone should answer before they get married. Yes, we were ready for the lifetime commitment that we both believe marriage involves.

When contemplating marriage, it is a good idea to look at more factors than just how old you both are and how long you have been together. Those two things won't get you through the rocky parts of marriage. You need to take into account each party's hopes and dreams, beliefs, and ideas about childrearing, to name a few. There are also current things you need to consider like finances and location.

The first thing my husband and I discussed when considering the idea of marriage was our personal beliefs. We wanted to make sure we believed in the same things to avoid fights later. In this, I don't just mean spiritual beliefs, though those are important, too. But I also mean things like who is going to do the cleaning? Who will be in charge of finances? If children are involved, who will do the majority of the childcare? These may seem like small things, but they can cause some pretty big fights if you aren't both willing to compromise and work things out.

The question "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" is a pretty valid one, too. It might seem like a silly question to ask your partner, but it can reveal a lot. For example, if your partner sees himself moving right on up the career ladder and taking a job far from home, where does that leave you and the job that love? Talking about whether or not you would like to move for one person's job is important.

Another thing that should be discussed before marriage is children. Do you both want them? If yes, how many? Do you agree on the way you want to discipline them? What about issues like breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, and cloth vs. disposable diapers? Will one of you quit working to stay home with the children? If yes, how long? Children need consistency in their lives, it's important that you and your partner are on the same page.

While it's true that money can't buy love, it is still important to consider finances when thinking about marriage. If you are a big saver, do you really want to be married to someone that has several thousands in credit card debt? Another thing to consider is whether or not the two of you will be able to make it on your own financially. Are you both mature enough to hold a steady job? Are you both paying all of your own bills, and paying them on time?

The last question applies mostly to long distance relationships. When you get married, who is going to move? Is that partner willing to leave behind his or her own job? And their family? The question of location can also, in a smaller sense, apply to to the house. If you aren't living together yet, who is moving in with who, or are you getting a new place together?

There might be other questions that you need to answer in your own relationship, but these should probably also be asked. I'm not saying answering these questions together will make it a perfect marriage, but it really will help. Knowing your partner before you get married is the most important thing. When you know you are ready, your age or how long you have been together will not matter.