Christian Bale "overdoses on Overacting", Doctors Say

A nation still recovering from the shocking death of movie star Heath Ledger has been dealt a blow of unflinching magnitude. News that Dark Knight Co-star Christian Bale has himself accidentally overdosed is rocking the film world. The culprit this time is not sleeping pills but Bale's own inability to separate his work from reality.

Bale was found dead on the floor of his Los Angeles home clutching a Joker action figure with its head ripped off. The Rescue Dawn star had recently been released from an English jail after being charged with assaulting his mother and sister. Official reports say the alleged assault was brought on by old family disputes, but sources close to the family say Bale simply couldn't bear listening to his own family gush over Heath Ledger's performance in The Dark Knight. Clearly these were the last acts of man teetering on the edge.

Doctors are saying that in the days following the release of The Dark Knight Bale suffered from a blurring of reality, seemingly unable to let go of his absurdly over the top portrayal of Batman. Bale's failure to come to terms with the fact that pretty much everyone (including his own mother) loves Heath Ledger way more further damaged his already fragile psyche. Doctors say that to make up for the lack of critical acclaim for his depiction of the caped crusader Bale had to live his real life as Batman. The mental and physical stress of living two lives became too much and ultimately Bale fell victim to its obvious perils. Quite literally he overacted himself to death.

Dr. Wyso Sirius says this phenomenon is common in the thespian world. "What we have here is a classic case of an actor getting lost in his role. Much like the deceased Mr. Ledger, Mr. Bale has himself blurred the lines of reality with that of a superhero universe. Only he didn't do it as well."

Immediate public reaction to Bale's passing has been unsympathetic to say the least. Kelly Ripa of the Regis and Kelly Show was downright brutal,calling Bale a "Copycat" and saying "Heath even died better." Film critic Roger Ebert said that Bale "...needs to seriously lay off the gruff sandwiches" and that "He was a really good Bruce Wayne but it is amazing how awful that Batman voice was, I didn't think anyone could choke on their own intimidation but I thought he was going to pass out at the end of every one of his sentences" before concluding, "he wasn't the Batman we deserved, but he was, unfortunately, the one that we got."

Bale's family says that since The Dark Knight's worldwide release, Christian had been unable to be himself. When asked simple questions by his family Bale would not respond unless addressed as "Bruce" or "Batman". Once the plaudits came in for Ledger's performance and not Christian's, Bale has only been able to speak in that curt, unreasonably loud, gravelly voice of Batman. Mr. Bale has also only been capable of speaking in vague metaphors, nonsensical ramblings on the human condition and has taken to calling all and sundry "Alfred" or "Gordon". His sister stated that on Monday, Christian spoke at length on the ideas of truth and justice, making insipid points on problems nobody had even brought up or was worried about. It was then she realized that there might be a serious problem.

"I thought he was just having a laugh, you know, because everybody loved Heath's Joker, god bless his soul" said Sharon Bale. "But I guess it was a serious problem. Everything came to a head when mother remarked how amazing it must have been to be in the same scenes with a brilliant actor like Heath."

Michael Keaton was all too understanding of Christian's untimely end. Keaton, who played Batman in Tim Burton's take on Frank Miller's "Dark Knight" graphic novels, could hardly speak when told the news of Christian Bale's tragic demise. Through tears of abject sorrow Mr. Keaton could only say: "Christian danced with the devil in the pale moonlight...and it destroyed him."

Beautiful words from a beautiful man. Bale's death is expected to pump even more interest into a movie already breaking box office records. Perhaps posthumous praise will pour in as well...but probably not.

George Clooney and Val Kilmer (Joel Schumacher's Batmen) could not be reached by press time. However, Chris O'Donnell (Schumacher's Robin) was all too happy to speak with us on the issue but nobody cares what he has to say.

Christian Bale leaves the material sphere in a cruel way but he also leaves us with fond memories. From Newsies to the upcoming Terminator Salvation, Christian Bale has always found a way to make us cry (Little Women), laugh (The Dark Knight), and dance (Reign of Fire). In addition to churning in an outstanding performance in the dark, disturbing American Psycho, Christian is also the answer to the trivia question "Which actor has appeared in two re-tellings of the Pochahontas story?" (Answer at bottom). Though he tried far, far, far, too hard to impress us all with his portrayal of Batman he didn't have to try hard at all to make America fall in love with him. Rest in peace Dark Knight.