Christian College Students: Before You Date

On the small Christian college campus I attended if you were seen walking on campus together it was safe to assume you were dating. If you were seen walking outside of campus then you were engaged. And if you were seen eating together in the cafeteria then it meant you were married with two kids and a dog.

Ok, not exactly...those were the words of my roomate, from junior year, yet they were so true. If you go to any type of small school, especially a Christian one, where the focus of many people is marriage, you probably have thought that way at least once or twice.

Having spent four years at a small Christian college I have a pretty good idea of what people think when they see a couple. "Who was dating who" tended to be one of the main topics of interest on our campus. I actually heard girls admitting they were at college to get an MRS. That frightened me. As someone who did not date at all as a college student, I hope I can make you believe there are more important things in life than finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

On our campus everyone jumped to conclusions very quickly about dating. They focused so much on social activities they sometimes forgot about schoolwork or even the God that they so often talked about.

Students would see someone walking with another person and automatically assume they liked each other.
When people automatically judge someone like that it puts pressure on other people who might just like hanging out with a friend of the opposite gender.

People on our campus would automatically assume everyone was looking for a husband. Or a wife. Then assume those people hanging out were dating. If they weren't it often turned to dating because of the pressure from other students assumptions.

There was almost a race to see who would get a ring by spring?

By not being so quick to jump to conclusions people may not feel as pressured to think of marrying the first person they date on campus.

I knew many people who really wanted that first person they dated to be the one they would marry, but it did not always work out that way. Dating should not be the main reason you are going to school. I suggest that in order to avoid pointless relationships with people who you will not marry, praying before you get into these relationships. Make sure you feel like God is giving you the green light. If you really pray, He'll show you. You may be upset to find out He's telling you not to date the person, but you'll thank Him later. Ask God to take the feelings away if you know it's the wrong person. He will. A number of my friends have told me they regret dating anyone besides their husband. Some people can learn from those relationships, yet others find the heartache unbearable.

It often saddened me to find people who did not know how to exist without a significant other. They did not have an identity unless they were in a relationship. I think you need to establish who you are and be secure in that before you bring someone else into your life.
How can you do this? Figure out what exactly you want to do in life. (Besides getting married).

What kind of job to want to have?

Where is God leading you?

What is your major and where is that taking you?
Be yourself as well. You don't always have to worry about impressing people. Be honest and real because that is the you that will come out eventually. If you are confused as to what you are doing with your life or who you are you might not want to bring anyone else into that confusion. God might not be allowing it.

Besides focusing on a career or establishing an identity another key thing that you can focus on is God. If you're a Christian, you were probably waiting for me to mention that, and that is the key. If you are not following God's will, if you are sinning left and right, if you are not listening to God then it is probably not a good idea to be dating anyone because chances are it will not be the right person.

You are probably going to want to date someone who will help you grow as a Christian and not bring you down.
Without God at the center of your life things can get discouraging. I like what Eric Ludy says in his book When God Writes Your Love Story "If you're always wanting someone, how close are you to God?" God should always be first in your life.

Don't jump to conclusions about others and maybe some of the pressure to date on campus will be taken away. If you are not dating anyone find other things to focus on. Focus on furthering your education. Figure out where God is leading you. Establish who you are. Focus on God.

Doing these things should make you a happier and contented person. Have you ever been upset that you were really close to God? The people I know who are in the happiest relationships are the ones who knew who they were and kept God first in their life.
If you remember these things, by the time you are married with five kids and three dogs you will be thankful.

Bibliography
Ludy, Eric & Leslie. When God Writes Your Love Story. Sisters, OR: Loyal Pub.
1999.