Christian Parenting: The Influences Which Shape Your Child

Tedd Tripp, in his book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, lists six "shaping influences" that affect the personality, disposition and actions of your child as he matures. Understanding these influences and evaluating how they come into play in your family will give you insight into areas in which you need to improve as a parent.

1. Structure of Family Life
Is yours a traditional, nuclear family? Are you a single parent or is there a step-parent in the picture? How many children are in your family and what are their relationships to each other? How are the parenting roles structured? Who is the primary discipliner? Who is the comforter? What is the birth order of the children? What are the different ages, maturity levels and personalities of the family members?

2. Family Values
What is important to the parents? What is worth anxiety and stress and what passes without notice? Are things or people more important? What does it take for the parents to get upset or angry? What philosophies and ideas are the children exposed to? What are the spoken and unspoken rules of the family?

3. Family Roles
What is the father's primary role? Is he merely the breadwinner and fun guy? Is the mother the primary nurturer? Who pays the bills and makes appointments? Are the father and mother equally involved in parenting as well as household duties? As children watch their parents, they learn powerful cues for what is expected of them as an adult man or woman.

4. Family Conflict Resolution
How does your family handle crises, big or small? Is there instant upheaval and confusion upon a family problem, or is there a stable, sure calm in approaching difficulties? Do family members "fight it out" when they are in conflict with one another? Do family members cover up disturbing occurrences and walk away from arguments? Do you discuss conflicts or avoid and try to forget them?

5. Family Response to Failure
This is aimed primarily at parents. How do the parents respond when their child fails? Do they say, "Great effort, I'm so proud of how hard you tried!" Or is the parent embarrassed of their child and makes sure the child knows it? Are the parents primarily encouragers or discouragers? Does the child feel motivated or scorned by his parents after he fails in some activity?

6. Family History
How many times has the family moved? How many schools or churches has the family been involved in? Have there been any deaths or accidents in the family? Is the marriage relationship stable or strained? Is there a history of arguing and manipulating in the family? Has the family endured financial hardships or do they enjoy economic security?

All of these issues work together to influence who a child will become. Take a look at your own family structure and shaping influences. Are there areas you need to change, adapt or fine-tune to provide your child with an environment which is more suitable for maturing and developing? Certainly a "perfect" environment will not produce a well-adjusted, Godly child. Rather, a proper, nurturing environment makes a parent's task much easier when it comes to Biblical training and discipline.