Christian Parenting: Raising Rebels

I don't have any teenagers of my own, so I have not had to deal directly with a rebellious teen. However, in working with the youth group in my church, I have had the opportunity to observe several family units. Some parents deal with their children in a very dictatorial manner, "You will do this because I said so and that's reason enough." On the other end of the spectrum, I see parents whose parenting style is, "You're fifteen, you are old enough to make your own decisions about when and if you go to church, who your friends are, what you wear and what body parts you pierce." Regardless of which parenting style is employed, the result is the same in either case: Rebellion.

Rules without reasons leads to rebellion. The child or teenager who is constantly told, "Because I said so." will rebel. Their rebellion won't necessarily be outwardly visible, but it will be visible in the child's attitude and disposition, especially when her parents aren't around. This is the child who makes faces behind her parents' back and talks badly about her parents to her friends. Christian parents often fall into this trap. Children of all ages need good reasons for why the need to follow a rule. Outward obedience may be enough for some parents. However, for the parent who wants their child to grow up into an adult with firm character and conviction, sound reasons must be given.

The child or teenager who is allowed to have the run of the house without guidance from his parents also will rebel. This is the type of the child who is allowed to dress and display themselves poorly in the name of "expression" and the parent looks the other way, excusing it as "typical teenaged behavior". Often parents don't enforce rules on their child because they think they will alienate him and drive him away. I believe the reverse to be true. Teens allowed to go their own way often openly disrespect their parents.

The Bible gives parents the mandate to "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The Bible commands children to obey their parents and parents not to provoke their children to wrath. By combining these two principles we can learn that Godly rules must be enforced in a household and that these rules must be explained and discussed.