Christian Parenting: The Role of the Parent

Often when we think about raising our children, we think about our goals and objectives for them. However, Biblical parenting is not that in which the parent makes the aspirations and dreams for his child. Rather, in Biblical parenting the goals and objectives of the LORD are set forth and striven for with regards to the child.

Your child is a gift from God. The Bible says that "the fruit of the womb is His reward." Your child is not a gift or reward to you, but rather, a gift and reward for Himself. Thus, God has given you jurisdiction over His charge-your child. Ephesians 6:4 says to raise your children in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord." It is not your instruction and direction which you give your child, it is God's wisdom and instruction which you pass on to him from God's Word. Realizing and embracing this truth will transform the way you approach your task as a parent. It is not simply a matter of you doing your best to produce a happy, contributing member of society. Rather, it is your holy assignment from God to raise your child for God's glory and service. As your child is accountable to you for his actions, you are accountable to God for the way you parent.

Because you have this special, important task from God, you must use your discipline and instruction wisely. You must never discipline your child out of anger or even revenge. God does not do this with you. Our Lord chastens us only out of abundant love and for our good. We must discipline with the same attitude. Disciplining your child is not optional, you must do it in order to be in obedience to God. However, if you use threats and intimidation with your discipline you are teaching your child to fear you, when the goal must be to teach your child to fear God. If your focus in discipline is revenge, you are punishing your child. If your focus is restoration of your child to a right relationship with you and with God, you are disciplining your child.

Many parents have been reduced to the position of adviser while the child is exalted to the role of decision-maker. A great example given in Tedd Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, is that of serving a child breakfast. Instead of a parent saying, "You are going to have oatmeal for breakfast. It is good for you and it is what I have prepared." a parent more often says, "Oh, you don't want this for breakfast? What would you like? Cereal, eggs or pancakes?" The parent wants to please his child, and so he gives him as many options as possible, hoping that by giving the child this choice, he may procure the child's favor for the morning. I admit that I have done this. If I enter a day spiritually unprepared for the cajoling of my two-year-old, I will be likely to give in and change the menu if he so desires. I think, "Well, what's the harm in giving him what he wants? He will be happy if I say 'yes' and we can get the day off to a good start." This is faulty reasoning and will bring a disappointing outcome. My son will likely look for more ways in which he can push and pull my limits throughout the day.

Many parents have come to the place where they think that they should give their child as many opportunities for decision making as possible. After all, this will make them a wise-decision making adult as well as empower them as a child, right? Wrong! A child can learn to make wise decisions for himself only as he sees his parent making wise decisions for him. Do not apologize for telling your child what he is going to eat. You are teaching him by your decisions for him that he needs to eat healthy, nutritious foods.

So many today view parenting as simply "providing care". We provide the necessities: food, clothing, shelter, as well as the wants: toys, entertainment, play-partners- and the child paves the way for himself. We must be careful not to get in the way of his independence or individuality, after all! We must realize that parenting cannot be squeezed into a half-hour of "quality" time in the evening. Parenting, that is, the nurturing, training, loving and directing of your child, occurs at every moment throughout the day. We must be prepared for the awesome task we face.