Christian Parenting: Two Faulty Methods

I believe that we have a major problem with parenting in this country. A look at the statistics related to child (a person under the age of 18, by my definition) drug abuse, sexual activity, and crime rate give you insight into our current problem. The scores of juvenile detention centers needed in our nation tell the rest of the story. Aside from those children who are known for illegal or dangerous activity, there are millions more who are self-centered, rebellious and causing deep heart-ache to their parents. This was and is not God's plan for parenting! Using Tedd Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, I want to explore in detail the unbiblical parenting philosophies that have been propagated by so many Christians. Let's examine the two faulty approaches to parenting:

1. Lax parenting that is child-centered

You can easily identify this family. By the age of 10-12 the child has the run of things at home. The family's activities are determined by what the child wants to do. He is the primary decision maker and the parents' wishes are subordinate to his. In this family the child does not view his parents as an authority, he is the authority. The child is undisciplined, disrespectful and forthright with his demands. Often the parents of this child become so discouraged that they give up. They think, "Why try anymore? Nothing we are doing is working." They look forward to the day in which their child will leave home.

Our culture is self-absorbed. Rather than children being a blessing and enrichment to the family, they have instead been reduced to a liability. Parents spend less and less time with their children and believe the lie that "quality" time is a suitable replacement for "quantity" time. This is a sad untruth. Parents who spend much time away from their children, pursuing their own personal goals and ambitions, often fall into the first trap of faulty parenting, that of lax, child-centeredness.

I understand that we live in a very busy, complex society. Parents often do what they feel is "best" for their children. Should they be faulted if they fail miserably and mold children who are self-serving and lazy? I believe the answer to that question is "Yes". Though a child is ultimately responsible for his actions, as he understands right and wrong, the parents must bear the responsibility for their part in shaping that child to do what he does.

2. Authoritarian Despotism

In this home the parents command absolute obedience, relying chiefly on physical discipline to achieve their goals. Often they force their children into subjection by intimidation, anger, and threats. The catch-phrases of this home include, "Just wait until your father gets home." and, "If you don't knock it off, you're going to get it!" The child who grows up in this home may conform outwardly, but he is inwardly hurt, damaged, and even rebellious. This type of parenting is no more effective than that of lazy, child-centered parenting.

In the sixties and seventies our nation's young adults threw off the established authority, demanding the right to do what they wanted to gratify themselves, regardless of the consequences to others. Our entire country reaps the consequences of this rebellion. Bosses can't control their employees, parents can't control their children, and even God cannot have the respect he deserves and demands from His followers.
This is not God's plan for parenting. He neither wants us to spoil nor dictate our children. God's plan for parenting involves love, instruction, discipline and guidance. One cannot discipline in a God-honoring fashion if it is not done in love. Furthermore, one cannot give in to his child's demands or exalt him to the role of decision-maker in the name of love.

Godly parenting must include a parent who is willing to look into God's Word for insight. A Godly parent must be willing to obey and carry out the instructions God gives. An entire generation of children is at stake as we fumble through parenting our children, hoping all turns out well. We cannot accept this.