Christian Parenting: The Wrong Goals for Your Child

Every parent has goals for her child. We all want our children to grow up to be happy, successful, God-fearing adults. It is important that we take some time to evaluate the aspirations we have for our children. It is by evaluating our purposes that can determine if they are Biblically accurate or not. Consider the following goals and determine where you have placed your values.

1. Developing Social Skills
Some parents get their children involved in as many activities as possible. Their children are hustled from baseball to soccer to swimming to piano lessons and more throughout the year. Desiring your child to attain these skills is not wrong, but is the development of skills the all-important goal you have for your child? Are you as concerned with your child receiving a Christ-like example from his coaches, instructors and teammates as you are with him becoming proficient at his task?

2. Psychological Adjustment
Many parents are concerned for their child's psychological adjustment. They think back to the way they were raised and see all of the short-comings of their parents. They are constantly working to ensure their child is mentally healthy. They promote whatever the current 'pop psychology" deems necessary. These are the faithful watchers of Dr. Phil who deem his counsel higher than scriptural truth. Many of the book-of -the-month style psychology books promote things as "How to Build Your Child's Self-Esteem". In this mold, the child is taught how to promote and esteem himself above others. His goal is to exalt himself, not to serve God. If you fall into this category, ask yourself, are there scriptures you can use to back up your emphasis on psychological adjustment? Are you being biblically accurate, or are you buying into worldly science and philosophy?

3. Saved Children
Of course, we all want our children to embrace a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This is the overall, most-important goal of parenthood. However, some parents are so obsessed with their aim that they push their child at a young age to "pray the sinner's prayer" so they can get it off of their mind. I absolutely believe that your child receiving Christ is of paramount importance. You must live, instruct, and love in a way that is conducive to the Holy Spirit being able to work and draw your little one to God. However, salvation is just that- A work of God. You cannot make it happen by telling your child, "You are a sinner. You must pray and ask Jesus to save you," and then proceed to lead your child in a repeated prayer. What does this teach your child? It teaches him that salvation lies in a prayer. There is no repentance, no heart change, no dealing of God directly with your child. Parents who are so absorbed in pushing their child into a decision may be causing more harm than good.

4. Family Worship
I believe that family worship is important for developing an atmosphere of worship and Godly unity in the home. However, family worship should not be conducted for its own stake. If a family engages in family devotions faithfully every day, by decree of the parents, but does not live out the principles of godliness in daily life, it is all for nothing. What the parents are succeeding to do is to teach their child that their relationship before God can be kept in a box and observed at designated times.

5. Well-Behaved Children
We all want lovely, obedient children. However, should this social decorum be our primary focus? What if your child does something innocently before others that incurs their looks of "Are you going to tolerate that?" Are you going to bow to social pressure to discipline your child for something that you know was innocent? If your goal is to raise well-behaved children at all costs, you will constantly have to change your standard to adapt to the people around you because it is them whom you want to impress. Is the biblical principle to change and mold the outward behavior? No, it is the Biblical principle to mold and change your child's heart. A wonderful result of a heart change in your child will be good behavior.

6. Good Education
Some parents feel that a good education and an exceptionally intelligent child paves the way for success. They push their child to have a 4.0 grade point average and want him to win as many scholastic awards as possible. Unfortunately, this is not a fool-proof plan for success. Many highly educated people live on the streets in disillusionment, rather than in condos.

5. Control
For some parents, their basic goal is to have complete domination and control over their children. All they care is that the child does what he says when he says it. The bottom line for these parents is to have children that serve and fear them. This is not a noble or Biblical goal in the least. It is selfish manipulation and oppression at best.

As you think about these goals and try to determine where you place your priorities, consider what the Bible says:

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." Ecclesiastes 12:13

Our ultimate goal for our children should be only this: to raise them in a way that they will fear God and keep His commandments. All of the tools you use to train your children should have this goal as their final aim. Do your child's activities encourage him to fear and obey God? Does your family structure and atmosphere teach him to fear God? Do you discipline and teach your child in a way that instructs him to fear God? The Bible says that this is our purpose as parents.