Christian Parenting: Wrong Methods for Child-Rearing

As you think about your children and how you want to raise them, take some time to evaluate the methods you use to accomplish your goals. Here are a few methods that are used that are not Biblical or accurate, as described in Tedd Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart:

1. Using the tried and true.
Some parents look at themselves and say, "Well, what my parents did worked. I turned out okay, so I'll employ the same methods with my children." This may be done regardless of whether or not their parents' methods were scriptural. This parent fails to recognize that all children are different and will respond differently to the same method.

2. Using the current psychology.
Whatever the new idea that is on the market is what some parents use as a method. This parent exalts the human mind and logic over what God says in the Bible.

3. Behavior modification.
This parent finds that using rewards and incentives are what works for their child. However, this parent overlooks the fact that they are teaching their child to obey for the wrong motives, i.e. "What do I get if I obey?" This parent may be effective in getting the behavior they want from their child, but they overlook the fact that they are teaching their child to have selfish motives for doing right.

4. Emotionalism.
Catch phrases in this home are, "Please don't do that, it hurts my feelings." or, "Your sister is sad when you do that." This parent tries to manipulate their child's emotions and thereby guilt their child into obeying. Some parents use more extreme forms, like threatening to abandon their child at a store or unfamiliar place if he does not acquiesce and come along.

5. Punitive correction.
Some parents use the threat of punishment to control their child's behavior. They yell, coerce and "discipline" (that is, unbiblically) to make their child conform. Their focus is on punishing, not on correcting. Grounding is an excellent example of this type of parenting. The child, though not allowed to leave the house, is allowed to watch TV and play video games in his room. This completely overlooks the heart needs of the child and focuses on punishment. Parents do this not in love, but out of a selfish desire to punish their child into good behavior.

6.Conglomeration parenting.
These parents have no specific method or philosophy for rearing their children. They may read an interesting parenting article and try a few of the tips they read. They might hear a sermon on spanking and try that for a few weeks. Perhaps they try bribes and rewards for a season. This parent moves from one system to another. This only serves to frustrate the parent and confuse the children.

All of these methods share one thing in common: They all address behavior and not the heart of their child's problem. Until we learn to meet the needs of the hearts of our children, we cannot truly mold their character, much less their behavior.