Christian Reading Always Carefully Keeps People Off Things Announces Makeup Outreach Ministry

Christian Reading Always Carefully Keeps People Off Things (CRACKPOT) Ministries member Andrea Johnson has launched a new ministry to reach out to underprivileged Christian Women. Johnson, a former reporter saved from Eternal damnation by Crackpot Ministries. The idea came to Johnson when she was watching religious programming on the Trinity Broadcasting network and saw the amount of makeup the Godly women on that channel applied to their faces.

"Since these are good Christian role models," Johnson commented, "It seems to me that CRACKPOT Ministries should expend their spreading of Christ-like love through offering enough makeup to underprivileded Christian Women who are not wearing enough makeup to please the Lord."

Reverend Zeke Gage, CRACKPOT Ministries founder, was thrilled to have the charitable ministries of his church expand, and took time out to stop preparing for the upcoming funeral of Doctor Will Smith, an advisor to the group. "I think it's great. As Christians, we do so much that can potentially offend the Lord. I personally spend two hours each night in prayer asking for forgiveness of even the slightest of offenses. Yes, I know being saved gives me a straight shot into Heaven, but have you read the Old Testament? The Lord is so easy to offend so it's best to cut your losses."

Several eighteen wheelers rolled into the Free Viewridge Evangelical Church in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania this Firday full of lypstick, rouge, and two trailers were devoted especially to eyeliner. CRACKPOT Ministries volunteers handed out the supplies to the poorer women of the congregation along with photos of Tammy Faye Baker from the 1980s.

A passersby said, "I think it's great. As a Christian, I used to make the mistake of applying makeup so I looked natural and ended up looking like one of the whores of Babylon. Now I know the correct makeup usage is to look as close as possible to a clown especially by applying eyeshadow heavily to the eyelids."

Should the latest outreach ministry prove successful, Andrea Johnson plans to extend it to poorer members of the town and eventually start a nationwide campaign. Those who wish to support the program can send donations to the Free Viewridge Evangelical Church. Both monetary and cosmetic donations will be welcomed.