Christianity: Is it Worth It?

My husband, Ben, entered a period of depression for the first time in his life. Being a typical man, he doesn't talk about his feelings very much. However, I finally convinced him to share what was going on in his head. He asked me, "Is Christianity worth it?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The man who has held on to this faith through the darkest tunnels since childhood was questioning if going to Heaven was worth it?

Satan never attacked Ben very much until we decided that we were "Lukewarm Christians" and made changes in our lives to become more pleasing to God. A Lukewarm Christian is an individual who believes that Jesus died for our sins, but they don't go any further. They will choose what is popular in the world instead of choosing what God says is right. For example, Sally goes to church every Sunday and donates to charities often. However, she has no problem snorting cocaine on the weekends, sleeping with every man she comes across, and laughs when friends make jokes about Jesus. She claims she loves Jesus by attending church, but her actions are showing everyone that she loves the world, not Jesus. She may even hide the fact that she attends church and has committed herself to the Lord, creating a split personality. One part of Sally conforms to the world in a desperate attempt to be liked and accepted, while the other half claims to love Jesus. Whether she really loves Jesus or not I do not know. It is hard to say because of her behavior. She might even be under the impression that going to church will give her "brownie points", as if you can bargain with God.

This isn't to say that Christians are perfect. We are no more perfect than anyone else, however, we should be striving to live a more Christ-like life. We all make mistakes and behave in ways we shouldn't, but do we feel remorse for behaving that way? Or are we like Sally, and think that just because we go to church that makes us heaven-bound? Going to church doesn't promise you an entrance ticket to Heaven, church is a place where like-minded individuals come together to praise and worship the Lord, a place where Christians can teach each other, and where sermons aren't meant as judging tools, but as a way to reach into your heart and remind you of your imperfections. It is also a place where someone who is looking for something can find what they are looking for. For long-time members, it is important to remember that no Christian walks on water, meaning that there is no Christian on Earth who acts, thinks, or speaks with purity, so simply attending church means nothing if you are not going to learn anything and apply it to your life. Church attendance isn't what pleases God. Your heart and intentions are what can be pleasing or displeasing to our Lord.

Personally, Ben and I do not attend church. We have had some very bad experiences in churches and as a result, we are hesitant to try again. However, after realizing that we were Lukewarm Christians, we decided that Jesus expected more from us. So, we started reading the Bible and praying every day. We monitored what we listened to on the radio and watched on television. The saying, "Garbage In, Garbage Out" is very true... the less that we allowed those negative influences into our ears and eyes, the more spiritual we became. Anyone who has read my profile knows my love of Linkin Park and horror movies and can imagine how difficult it was to put those discs on a shelf and focus more on letting goodness into my spirit.

But something happened about 3 months ago. We suddenly stopped reading the Bible and nourishing our Spirit. We even stopped praying and I'm not sure why. Nothing happened in our lives that made us doubtful or angry with the Lord. Perhaps we just became distracted with life and put Jesus on a shelf, letting Him gather dust, ignored and forgotten about. In fact, when I visited a friend recently who had not seen me in a while, she asked how I was feeling. I told her that that I didn't feel right inside, that I felt that something was wrong, but couldn't explain what. I said, "My brain feels fuzzy." When I returned home, I realized that the fuzziness and emptiness I was feeling was because my priorities had changed. Instead of feeling the excitement and contentment that I felt in my spiritual days, I felt like am empty shell, void of any substance. That void was a result of worldly obsession.

So, when Ben explained that after we began devoting our time to the Bible and spending time in prayer, every time Ben thought something good and positive, there was a little voice that would spew out 10 horrifying messages. Messages that are so evil, I cannot even repeat them here. Satan began taunting him nearly 24 hours a day. I tried to explain to Ben that he just needed to fight, that we are in a war and the fact that Ben is getting closer to the way Jesus wants him to be, Satan is getting angry and desperate, willing to say anything to change Ben's mind. Ben insists it is just too hard to go through life that way, and told me that when he was a Lukewarm Christian, Satan didn't bother him. He says it is going to be easier to just go back to the way he was. My words could not change his mind, so I told him that maybe it just isn't his time. God has a timing for everything, and I believe that one day, in the Lord's perfect timetable, he will prepare Ben and put the seed in his heart to make him want more. But just because I was ready, doesn't mean that Ben is. Since Ben's fateful words, he has gone back to being a Lukewarm Christian and the spiritual harassment has stopped as suddenly as it came.

Of course, I have some guilt that this is my fault. I stopped reading the Bible and praying. I stopped sharing my thoughts on certain Scriptures and what I felt God was telling me on what I needed to change by myself. My recent works are evidence of how my mind has twisted from inspirational and loving words to how negative my thoughts can become. Just look at the differences between "What I Am Most Thankful For In 2009" and "Why I Love (And Hate) Christmas". There is such a different tone between the two articles, making me believe I must be Spiritually Bipolar. How can I say I am a Christian and write negative words? The stark contrast between the two articles makes me realize how different I am when I become obsessed with the world, rather than with Jesus.

You may be wondering if Christianity is worth it. Well, the depends on who you ask. Ben says that Christianity is worth it if you can stand the pain and ridicule, but that it's enough to just believe in Christ and live life the same way you always have. I say it's worth it to be Christian because it guarantees you a spot in Heaven as long as you believe that Jesus died for our sins. I think if you truly love Jesus, you will want to please Him and not disappoint. The world will tell you it is not worthwhile and that it is better to worship money and status than Jesus. They might even convince you that you can have your cake and eat it too.

The Bible tells a different story, the truth about how and why we are attacked by Satan and by our friends, family, and even strangers. Jesus went through so much for us, and our unappreciation and mockery of Him isn't right. Is it difficult to live in this world and be strangely different because we aim to live a life that is right in God's eyes? Yes, it is. Is it worth it? Yes, Christianity is not only worth it, but if we really love Jesus, we will not feel obligated to obey, but will have a desire to make Him happy and pleased.

So today I make a change and rededicate myself to soaking up all of the information and guidance God has to offer. I will make an effort to not let myself get wrapped into the world and instead grasp on to Jesus with all of my strength and let his love fill my heart and spirit once again. I will avoid sharing negativity through my thoughts, words, actions, and writing, and instead use my gift to give glory to God. And I know, that when the time is right, Ben will do the same and share his vast knowledge of Christ will others.

Yes, Christianity is worth it.