Christine O'Donnell, I Think I Love You!

I fall in love easy and I really fall for wacky chicks-in fact, the wackier, the better. And these days, there seems to be no better breeding ground for loony ladies than the Republican Party. Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Jan Brewer, and Sharron Angle are just a few of my favorites, but now, thanks to the Tea Party movement-Motto: Brain Cells Optional-I've discovered the new love of my life, Christine O'Donnell.

In case you've been too busy doing important things like living your life, you may not yet be aware of Ms. O'Donnell who recently won the Delaware Republican primary for state senator. It's OK if you've never heard of her because as I've said many times before, I observe the crap so you don't have to. As a writer, it's my job to seek out the crazies and I'm always happy when a new one comes into my life.

The Queen Mother of batshit crazy Republican chicks, Sarah Palin, provided a treasure trove of writing material during the 2008 presidential race. And she just appeared out of nowhere as if having fallen from the sky right into our laps. We knew nothing about her, nor apparently did the Republican Party who just tossed the nutcase into the fray. It was beautiful and I will forever be grateful. And what's really great is that Sarah just keeps coming at us with more of her stuff, even giving up her job as governor of Mooseland so that she can spend even more time on the road spreading more of her wisdom.

But Sarah dear, you have some serious competition now. You think you're rogue-this O'Donnell broad's got you beat. And assuming she scares the crap out of enough Delaware voters to lose in November, she, like you, will be another restless batshit crazy Republican chick without a job and plenty of free time to keep us entertained with her own zany brand of shtick.

So move over Sarah, Michele and the gang. There's a new kid in town. Christine baby, show 'em what you got...

"American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains."

Aha! I knew Mickey Mouse wasn't just a cartoon character!

"It is not enough to be abstinent with other people; you also have to be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can't masturbate without lust."

Gotta admit, masturbation just doesn't work without lust, but damn it Christine, you can't be out there looking so gosh darn cute and expect men not to touch their naughty bits. Lighten up a little bit on this one sweetie-we're trying, but you're making it hard.

"I consider myself an authentic feminist. Not as defined by the modern movement. And, let me clarify that a little bit more. I was an English major, so break it down: '-ist' means one who celebrates. As a feminist, I celebrate my femininity."

Then I'm a Christine-ist, because I celebrate your femininity too baby!

"We took the Bible and prayer out of public schools. Now we're having weekly shootings."

You tell 'em Christine! Guns don't kill people. A lack of Bibles and prayers kill people.

"We had the '60s sexual revolution, and now people are dying of AIDS."

So right Chrissie-poo! Because those filthy hippies couldn't keep their hands off one another, there are now an estimated 24 million HIV positive people living in Africa.

"God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills. The outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God."

I have no idea what the hell you're talking about here, honey. And that just makes you even more adorable.

"America is now a socialist economy. The definition of a socialist economy is when 50% or more of your economy is dependent on the federal government."

You're just so damn cute.

"[Obama's] beating the 'change' drum. But let's look at the change. He did not vote for English as the official language. What does that say?"

Santa mierda, lo que una mujer loca!

Reference: The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/15/christine-odonnell-craziest-quotes_n_718328.html#s140474