Christmas Decorating, a Call to Arms

My wife reminded me recently that it would soon be time to begin the annual ritual of decorating. For many years I have enjoyed hanging garland and wreaths to celebrate the holiday season. The Christmas tree itself was anticipated with joy as this was a time of family fun, popcorn, hot chocolate, and a good warm fire. The holiday season has always been something I have looked forward to and enjoyed.

Don't get me wrong, I still very much enjoy the holiday season and the all the associated activities. However, several years ago we moved into a new house which is located in a very close knit community. The neighborhood is designed to be reminiscent of older neighbor hoods with close yards, sidewalks, and back alley ways. We enjoy the neighbor hood in which we live; however, I have begun to look at the holidays in a different light than before.

Our neighborhood has an award for the house which sports the best decorations. You might want to read that line again; I will give you a moment at this point. An award for best holiday decoration is like announcing the beginning of the Normandy invasion. The words seem simple, however, the under tones are massive and broad in scope. Think I am kidding or over stating the situation? I think not. Consider, if you will, the first year we were in our home. We had a tree and a few boxes of ornaments and decorations. What do we have now? Our attic and storage rooms will attest to the massive firepower, whoops, decorations we have amassed in our attempt to over throw the enemy forces. I am sorry, compete with our neighbors.

Battle plans are begun around 30 September at approximately 1800 hours. The allied forces assemble around our dining room table to inspect the battle plan from the previous year. My wife, the Commander of Theater Operations goes into great length as to the shortcomings of last years plans and proceeds to strip me of at least one stripe. My daughter looks on intently and can only shake her head in disappointment as the dressing down continues.

New plans must be made, but reconnaissance is needed, damn it! What will the neighbors produce this year, what is their battle plan? There are rumors of artificial snow, which would prove to be a death blow and surely end the campaign early. My daughter interjects that her friends, cousins, brother told her that the new people at the end of the street are organizing caroling to coincide with the judging...those bastards! "What" I blurt out! My wife lowers her stare, I know I must direct the mother of all battles this season, but I need more information. I need troop strength, I need... AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Where was I, oh yes, I truly enjoy the holiday season. A time for reflection, peace, and good will towards men. Gentlemen, prepare for battle.