Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
4 large eggs
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups dried fruit
Lemon juice
1 gallon Jack Daniel's whiskey
Directions:
• Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
• Get a large bowl.
• Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
• Pour one level cup and drink.
• Repeat.
• Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
• Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
• Make sure the whiskey is still ok.
• Turn off the mixer.
• Break 2 eggs; add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
• Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beateners, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
• Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
• Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something... Who cares?
• Check the whiskey.
• Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts.
• Add 1 tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
• Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
• Don't forget to beat off the turner.
• Throw the bowl out of the window.
• Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
Published by Scott Ranzau
I currently live in Surprise Arizona. I have an AA degree in business administration with a concentration in criminal justice. I work as a community service officer for the Surprise Police Department. View profile
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9 Comments
Post a Commentfruitcakes
I do not like,
i love fruitcake. but you got me on the whiskey lol
I Bow down to the ever famous Fruitcake... lol.. :o)
LOL I was reading it and thought, a gallon of whiskey? Is whiskey in fruitcake cause if it is I might eat my first piece ever!LOL Funny Scott!
Sound like a great fruitcake. I might try it this Holiday! LOL
sorry I have been known to eat most of fruit cake my Mom made probably just for me.
I love this kind of baking!! And you won't even remember it in the morning!
LOL Finally fruitcake directions that I can follow.