Christmas Letter 2010!

Another wonderful year has passed and we congratulate you for surviving it! Our blessed family has had a wonderful year full of exciting personal growth and eventful events.

First off, Marjorie got her GED. She's over 29 now (ahem) so it was about time! Next, we created our own 2 watt talk radio station. We talk about lumber, mostly. And the End Times. I continue my work at the RyKrisp factory as foreign diplomacy specialist. I also check the hose pressure in the hoppers there.

This year, I developed an allergy to -- of all things -- burnt toast! Oh, my aching tear ducts! The doctor calls my condition "blacktoast intolerance" and it is not unheard of, but not at all common. I'm being treated with various steroids and ergot alkoloid fungi cultures.

The twins, Joe and Joseph, both proudly wear hand sewn lederhosen to school. Apparently, it makes them the most popular kids in the class, so we condone it. Who doesn't like to be popular? Certainly more important than grades, in the modern world. Ah, youth....

Myrtle, our youngest, had until recently attended first grade and enjoyed her field hockey team. They always made her play goalie, though, which affected the bone structure of her face. This fall, Myrtle made an astronomical discovery in which she proved that for the past three hundred years the sun has risen five minutes late every day during the calendar month of March. The school first expelled her as a heretic, but then they forgot about it and she seems to have been reinstated and forgiven. However, one lone, bearded scientist does keep showing up at her bedroom window each morning, pointing at the sun and shaking his fist at Myrtle. She responds by throwing garbage out the window at him!

Old Aunt Tillie still rents the room over the garage, (don't worry, it's warm!) and continues her work as a grinder for the Ass Grinders' Association. Burros and donkeys are now part of the work/meat process! "Ho, ho, ho," what's next? (We certainly have developed a taste for burro steaks!) She continues to whine about not having a shower. Give us a break, Tillie! Who's looking?

We no longer keep chinchillas after the attack and infections. But we don't blame the animals themselves. They were off their feed!

Great news -- this fall, while birding near Boise, we were fortunate to see a nesting pair of rare muffled grunting, playfully pecking at the handle of a hayhoe. Nature is both superb and sublime at once. Marjorie and I will probably never stop birding. The muffled grunting! A real "feather" in our life-list caps!

At the time of this writing, we have gladiola bulbs burgeoning in the outdoor terrarium. They will be frozen and pickled by Valentine's Day! How much fun we have as a family with the bulbs. Joe tried to put one in the A/C socket, and learned a timely lesson of youth! Didn't we all...

Gladness pursues us daily and we are grateful for condolences many of you sent when our cat Toila fell ill and had to have her ears removed. She can still hear certain frequencies, but she has to wear a protective "hat" of sorts to keep out the bugs and debris. Toila is our hero!

Rifle training is next for the whole family. You can't be too careful nowadays! Plus, the neighbors to the north are very suspicious types, with their horse-drawn carts, Sunday pie sales, and the "industrial equipment business" being run out of their garage. "Hey, what's that smell?" METH-inks they protest too much...

At the time of this writing, we are gathering with the neighbors for a Christmas and Kwaanza snowman contest which will be held in the holy valley. Bees and hornets are swarming and singing, and the whole neighborhood is gifting and drinking "special" toddy. Christmas and Chanukah time is a wonderful time! Best wishes to all! And Happy 2011! One more year till the ol' comet!

The Messengers