Christmas Rivalry

Ah the holidays. A time of joy and wonder, hope and happiness, and if your family is anything like mine, a time of tears and whisperings of 'she got more than me'. As I approach my 30^th birthday and celebrate this Christmas season with my almost 2 year old daughter, I look to the past to decide what traditions are held in my family, what activities, and special foods do I look forward to every year that I can start sharing with my daughter. The mystery and magic we had awaiting for Santa's arrival. Not being able to sleep on Christmas eve, leaving cookies and milk out for Santa, and praying that we get more than our sibling.

What I have come to realize is that we need to start making my own traditions. Somehow I do not believe that my daughter needs to learn rivalry with her cousins at such a young age. I am the 3^rd of 4 children and I still secretly watch to see how much more my big sister will receive on Christmas. My grandparents spoiled us rotten and I'm still trying to get over it. What grandparent does not spoil their grandchild? I think it may actually be the 11^th commandment 'Thou must spoil thy grandchild'. Little did my grandma know that she was creating four spoiled rotten kids, who grew up to be spoiled rotten adults!

Yes it's true I was spoiled and I loved it, although not so much now. Credit card bills loom as Christmas arrives. Yes I need Santa to bring me a new Coach purse and those Tiffany earrings I have been eyeing for 6 months. Yes my daughter needs a new dress, new shoes, new toys, new everything. Yes my nieces and nephews need to receive new expensive toys and clothes from auntie. I believe my family traditions include spoiling others and arguing over who got more.

As I grow older and wiser I reflect and learn, although very painfully at times, that our traditions are not functional, practical or even traditions. It is a battle of siblings who need to show one another up.

Every year I gain my courage, and max out my credit cards just to arrive at my grandparent's house in search of being the adult this year. No whining or fussing or secretly hating the fact that someone may have gotten more than more or my grandmother made an extra pie for my younger brother but not for me. Every year I find myself falling into the same role as I have when I was a little girl, the middle daughter who longed to have everything that her big brother and big sister received. Every year I do learn that they long for things I receive, it's a wonderfully rivaled family, and all siblings yearn for what the other has. I complain to my friends about how dysfunctional we are, but always learn that we are just as dysfunctional as the next.