Chronic Illness: It's a Family Affair

Chronic illness affects more than just the patient and more than the spouse of the patient. It affects relationships with your parents, siblings and children. Chronically ill patients often feel misunderstood by their families because family members tend to be the least sympathetic in a lot of situations. I have read many accounts where chronically ill patients will be called "whiners", "complainers" and "hypochondriacs" by their family members. They will be accused of being "attention seekers" also.

Fortunately, I have always had very supportive parents who have never made me feel as though I have ever been a burden to them. They have also always believed that I was truly sick when others did not. I honestly don't know for sure how my siblings and the rest of my family feel because I try not to complain too much around any of them. I think that they understand in the best way they can. You can never fully understand what someone with chronic illness is going through unless you are in that situation yourself.

Parents of chronically ill patients may feel as though they never get a chance to lead their own lives because they may have to care for their chronically ill child their whole lives. I believe that most parents are willing to take care of their children when needed, but it has to be a strain on them. I have seen the stress that my illnesses have caused my mother and as a mother, I know it has to hurt deeply to see your child suffer.

If the parent or parents of the patient has to take care of the house, do the laundry and cooking and other chores, the patient will feel guilty because of the extra work it makes for their parents. When you are young and chronically ill, it is hard to watch your aging parents do all of the things for you that you should be doing for them at this stage in your life.

Siblings of chronically ill patients may feel that they are left out and that they are never shown their fair share of attention because their sibling is always sick. It can cause resentment among siblings and cause distance in the family. The patient feels as though no one understands them and the siblings feel that the patient is dragging their illness on for extra attention.

For children who have chronically ill patients, they learn very young that mommy or daddy may not always be dependable and typically plans are not made too far in advance for any fun activity. When there is an event or concert that we have to purchase tickets for well in advance, we will not tell him about it until the day of the event. If something happens that I am to sick to go he isn't disappointed.

So what can be done to help this situation? First of all, the patient needs to stop feeling guilty for being sick and for needing help. We do not ask to be sick and we know that if we had our way, we would be the one helping others. The guilt only makes the chronic illness worse, increases stress and will set the recovery process back even further.

If your family is helping you out around the house and run errands, let them know how much what they are doing is appreciated. Pay them something for their time or take them out for a nice meal when you are feeling up to it.

Do not complain continuously to your parents and siblings about your symptoms and illness. A chronically ill patient does need someone to vent to, but you don't want to burden your family with constant complaints. Most of the time my family doesn't even know that I am having a bad flare until they don't hear from me for a while. They already know I'm sick. They don't need to hear about every single symptom, every complaint, and every problem every single day.

Show your children plenty of emotional support and attention. If you can't do for them physically, you can still be there for them emotionally. Find projects and activities that you can do easily from your bed or couch and just love them.