Chronic Pain and Grief

Living with chronic pain changes your life. You are thrown into a world that seems to revolve around nothing but pain, doctors and medications. You can no longer do the things you used to do. Everyone with chronic pain will grieve for their old life. I will discuss the grieving process and my experience with chronic pain and grief.

When chronic pain becomes a part of our lives, we may lash out at the ones closest to us. We might withdraw from family and friends, pushing them away. Each person will feel and react to the stress of chronic pain differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

We grieve the loss of our "old" life, the loss of our careers, and the loss of the person we used to be. In the beginning, it's a lot like being given the news that a person very close to you has died suddenly. We are thrown into grief before we fully understand what we are grieving for. The day chronic pain enters our life, is the day we experience our own "death".

When we realize it can't be fixed, we get angry. The anger may be directed toward fate, or toward an insurance company because they aren't approving treatments and denying us proper care. Anger at life in general because we were just getting started living.

My grief came out mostly as anger. It was aimed at the next cook who didn't show up to work on time. I was extremely angry at worker's compensation for delaying my care. There is a very short window of opportunity to be aggressive with CRPS. I was angry knowing I would never work again because of it.

Some try bargaining with fate, and then realize nothing will change. A dark cloud descends, darkening the joy you once felt. I found it hard to think of the future because I didn't know what CRPS would do to my body. For all I knew, I would be in a wheelchair or bedridden in a few months. My grief over the loss of my career overwhelmed me at times.

Chronic pain and grief can bring depression for many people. They can't see a future that is happy, only one filled with pain, disability, and struggling to survive each day. If you are struggling to get out of bed, there is no shame in seeking help if you are severely depressed. It may even help you move through the grief a littler smoother.

I have known dozens of people who wondered if they should have gone through the grief process by now. I tell them there is no right time to accept their new life. If it takes years to move from one stage of grief to the next stage, then that's okay. Everyone has to deal with their emotions in their own way, in their own time. Grief is a personal process with no timeline.

We all come to the point where we accept our "new" life and begin moving forward. We are able to get past the grief. Acceptance is not giving up and saying, "Fine, the pain is here to stay, so I guess I'll live with it." For me, acceptance was deciding I would not let chronic pain rule my life. I would live my life as fully as possible despite having chronic pain.

Living with a chronic pain condition is the not the end of our lives, it is the beginning of a new chapter. We have grieved for what was and can now look forward to what will come. We reach out to others for support, and learn we have to set limits for ourselves some days. We must get past the grief and still be willing to live life without fear.