Chuck Norris, the New Tall Tale

A fellow soldier and I were talking today about what helped us get through deployments. We talked of friends, family, care packages, USO tours, and Chuck Norris. During my first deployment, to Iraq, I was introduced to the phenomenon that was Chuck Norris Facts. I've pondered how the meme became so prominent in internet culture and came to the conclusion that Chuck Norris filled a basic need. In the 19^th and early 20^th century figures of legend appeared in American culture, Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan and John Henry being the most prominent. The average American was struggling, with Western Expansion, through a brutal civil war and at the peak of worker exploitation in American history, these heroes could be identified with by everyman.

The year was 2005; the American people were struggling through a war longer and more difficult than their leaders had promised. Jobs were growing scarce, North Korea rises as a nuclear threat, Hurricane Katrina decimates the Gulf Coast, a second mortgage is now required to fill up ones gas tank, American Idol was the best thing on television; basically, times were tough. We needed a hero. Someone born of myth and steeped in legend. Someone more than human, but a champion of the average man. Enter Chuck Norris.

No one knows where it started. In dark, smoky corners of bars, people watched Conan O'Brien institute his Chuck Norris jokes. Maybe that's where it originated. Maybe everyone already knew. Chuck Norris was more than he appeared. An earlier website had tried to make claims about Vin Diesel and Mr. T's greatness, but did not compare to what was to come. People would receive e-mail from coworkers; at the end would be a "Chuck Norris Fact." Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried. The online game World of Warcraft had a Chuck Norris Fact Generator. Then there was a site where Chuck Norris himself responded to the claims. Chucknorrisfacts.com. People were amazed to learn that Chuck Norris can divide by zero, or that he can watch CBS's 60 Minutes in less than 20 minutes. It was rumored that the prime minister of France had stumbled across the website. In horror at reading of the great man's exploits, the country surrendered to Chuck, just to be on the safe side. Someone had spotted Chuck Norris driving an ice cream truck...covered in human skulls. Unconfirmed reports stated that Chuck Norris was suing NBC for infringement rights, declaring that he had long ago established that Law and Order were the names of his left and right legs. His trademark roundhouse kick was postulated upon as amateur physicists debated on the effect if Chuck Norris was cloned and they engaged in simultaneous roundhouse kicks. Most believed it would unravel the universe.

While little to nothing is known about the real Chuck Norris, the legend lives on. In a culture of fifteen minutes of fame, Chuck Norris rose to a pinnacle that only deities and superheroes attained to.

As I labored through a year in the Iraqi desert, I found it was easier believing in something like Chuck. I believed that if Chuck Norris had counted to infinity - twice, then I could carry on through the war. Chuck Norris helped carry a nation through part of her tumultuous history and for that he deserves our heartfelt thanks.

In the immortal words of Peter Le Fleur (Vince Vaughn) "Thank you, Chuck Norris."