Clarifying Six Myths About Women Who Don't Want Children

Although there are mixed reviews about "Sex and the City 2," there was a message that women who don't have or want children enjoyed seeing in Carrie Bradshaw. You can be sexy, successful, happy and have a man without being a mother, regardless of what society says.

Speaking of society, this summer I was sitting in a Starbucks® on Sheridan Road when a guy sat down at my table. After a few minutes of him flirting and me wondering what were his intentions, we had a discussion about how we want our futures to go. When I mentioned I have no interest in children, this was his response.

"Any woman who doesn't want children gets less respect from society," Anthony said. "Or, she's a lesbian. I'm not saying that's what I think, but look around. I hear it all the time. Women are supposed to have kids. If your parents thought like you do, you wouldn't be here."

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but after this guy basically told me I might as well be a lesbian and was upsetting society, he left with a fax number instead of my home number. I laughed when I heard my fax machine ring the same evening.

He's not the only one who thinks this way about women who don't want children. So ladies and gentlemen, here are some of the myths about childless women that need to be clarified, including tips for dating women and men who don't want kids.

Myth 1: Women who don't want children are lesbians. Truth: Being attracted to women doesn't make the maternal instincts go away. If you need proof, comedian Wanda Sykes is the mother of two twins with her partner, Alex.

Myth 2: Women who don't want children won't find a man. Truth: Stedman Graham has been with talk show icon Oprah Winfrey for years, and Oprah doesn't have children. Other people who don't want children and haven't had any problems finding dates and relationships include Jay Leno (whose been married since 1980), Eva Mendes and George Clooney. And if you listen to a Mary J. Blige song, she clearly has found men--some good, some bad--and had stepchildren, but told The Insider, biological children are "not something that I have planned." According to Marie Claire, Kim Cattrall (who plays Samantha in the HBO show and both "Sex and the City" films, pictured left), told Oprah, "Being a biological mother isn't part of my experience this time around."

Myth 3: Women who don't want children have been molested or didn't have positive father figures in their lives. Truth: Although Oprah Winfrey has been vocal about being sexually molested as a child and Ellen DeGeneres has also admitted being molested as a teenager in People magazine, that doesn't mean every woman has. I have yet to see a statistical study that proves every woman who has been molested doesn't want children. There are women who have been in horrible situations like this who have gone on to become mothers anyway (ex. Mary J. Blige, the stepmother of three with husband Kendu Isaacs).

Myth 4: Women who don't have children have physical issues (ex. too many abortions, tubes tied, no eggs, damage from rape) and don't want to admit it. Truth: There are no statistical studies proving this nor can the people who assume this provide medical papers backing up this assumption. However, if you really need an example of a woman who can have children and isn't trying to save face, you're more than welcome to use Shamontiel, the Chicago Relationships Examiner, as an example. No, I have never been molested, raped or had an abortion. And yes, I had plenty of strong male role models growing up, including my father, grandfather, godfather and older brother.

Myth 5: Women who don't want children shouldn't have sexual intercourse. Truth: Although this one does have some truth to it because the only true form of safe sex is abstinence, this logic is like saying every single time you have sex, you want to have children. Not true. Every time you have unsafe sex is more likely to bring about children. Using birth control pills, birth control patches, birth control shots, female condoms or male latex condoms, and making sure to be tested for STDs should you use products like lambskin condoms that prevent against pregnancy but not HIV or AIDS are all useful ways to avoid becoming pregnant.

Myth 6: You should have children because if your parents thought like you do, you wouldn't be here. Truth: Although many women grow up to take on traits of their mothers and/or fathers, every decision you make does not have to be a carbon copy of theirs. Why is this the only decision that those who want children harp on so much? If you were meant to be here, you would be here. If you weren't, you wouldn't even know about it so why worry so much about what's already done? Thank your parents for life and live it in the most comfortable lifestyle for yourself. This logic is like saying, "If President Barack Obama thought like you, he wouldn't be the president." Not everybody wants to be the president.

Regardless of what society says, it is possible to have a healthy, happy relationship without children. You should not be held accountable for what society says you'll have to do until society gives birth to a child for you and pays child support, too. However, if you don't want children, make sure you are open and honest about this with your significant other who does want kids. Just because you don't want children, that person shouldn't be robbed of parenthood. It'll be more peaceful to find a mate who already has children and doesn't want anymore instead of one who is still yearning for a child(ren). You will find your match, but you have to stand your ground. Like Big said in "Sex and the City 2," it can be "me and you, just us two."