Cleveland Browns Vs. Florida Tuskers: Who Wins?

Throughout the 2009 NFL regular season, I've called the Cleveland Browns the worst team in the league in my NFL power rankings as well as while discussing the NFL with friends and fans. For those of you unaware, there is another professional football league, the UFL, that is currently wrapping up its first season. While UFL players do receive a paycheck, the league is considered to be nothing more than a "minor league" version of the NFL. The so-far kings of the UFL have been the Florida Tuskers, a team heading into the inaugural UFL championship game undefeated.

For the past three weeks or so, I couldn't help but wonder the obvious question. Could the Florida Tuskers match up to and even defeat the Cleveland Browns? Here's a quick comparison of the two football teams, statistically speaking.

Offense: There's really no comparison when you look at these two offenses. The 2009 Cleveland Browns offense has been historically bad regardless of who is taking the snaps. The trading of Braylon Edwards left the Browns without any real wide receiver, the running game averages under four yards a carry and offensive line is nothing more than a sieve. In ten games, Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson have been sacked a combined 24 times.

The Florida Tuskers, on the other hand, have the UFL offensive MVP as the team's quarterback. Brooks Bollinger has been utterly ridiculous, completing 121 of 179 pass attempts for 1526 yards and 14 touchdowns. Bollinger has only thrown three interceptions in six UFL games. As I've stated before in my UFL reviews, the most impressive thing about Bollinger's stats is the fact that he's often been taken out of games early due to the Tuskers having a huge lead.

Much like the Browns, the Tuskers running game has struggled. The team's receivers, however, have flourished under Bollinger's wing. Taye Biddle, previously of the New York Giants, is the team's leading receiver with 26 catches and two touchdowns. Jayson Foster and Marcus Maxwell both have three receiving scores for the Tuskers.

Defense: These two defenses are actually quite similar, a fact that is rather pitiful when you consider the fact that the Cleveland Browns are (technically) an NFL team. In fact, the Tuskers can claim to have a much better pass rush as the team averages over two sacks a game (13 sacks in six games). The Browns, on the other hand, would have difficulty finding a quarterback with a GPS. Cleveland has 19 sacks in ten games, five of those belonging to Kamerion Wimbley.

Both teams have a weak secondary, as seen in the Browns-Lions and Tuskers-Redwoods games. With that said, the Browns have the edge here. I'd take Eric Wright and Brandon McDonald over anybody playing for the Tuskers, including a 2009 Dexter Jackson.

Special Teams: The Browns' two best players are kick/punt returner Josh Cribbs and punter Dave Zastudil (until Zastudil was placed on IR). Kicker Matt Bryant has been fine for the Tuskers but I'd probably still take Phil Dawson over Bryant.

Coaching: Eric Mangini is the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. Eric. Mangini. Enough said.

The game: For starters, the game would have to be played at a neutral site, perhaps Indianapolis or Carolina. Of course, it's quite the stretch to assume that there are really that many Florida Tuskers fans that exist or Cleveland Browns fans that haven't given up on football/life yet.

The Tuskers are notoriously a slow-starting football team and the Browns play better in the first half (when they play, at all). Brady Quinn leads the Browns in two successful scoring drives in the first while Bollinger struggles to find his rhythm. A nice punt return by Cribbs sets up one of those scores. Of course, the Browns can't punch the football into the end zone and they are forced to settle for a field goal after the return.

Browns 10

Tuskers 0 End 1st

Just as the Browns settle into "we may actually win a game" mode, Bollinger hits Biddle for 40 yards to get the Tuskers into the red zone for the first time. Unlike the Browns, Florida knows how to take advantage of such opportunities and they get into the end zone on a screen pass to Tatum Bell.

Later in the first, Jamal Lewis fumbles the ball on the wrong side of the field and Bollinger hits Biddle over the middle to put the Tuskers in scoring position, once more. This time, a fade route to Marcus Maxwell puts six points on the board for Florida.

Not to be outdone, Brady Quinn implements the no-huddle and Florida has trouble adapting. Quinn connects with Mohammad Massaquoi for two mid-range plays and the clock winds down to the two minute warning. Once again, the Browns simply can't get into the end zone and Phil Dawson buries a 29 yard field goal as the horn sounds for halftime.

Tuskers 14

Browns 13 Halftime

A couple of three-and-outs begin the third quarter until Bollinger connects with Biddle on another long ball, this time for six points. Brady Quinn attempts to do the same but Massaquoi drops what would be a 51 yard completion. Cribbs then comes through with a 34 yard run out of the Wildcat to get the Browns into Florida territory. Quinn connect with Chansi Stuckey on a 37 yard pass that comes after a beautiful play action fake and the Browns make it close, again. The Tuskers drive down the field once more, however, and get into the red zone as the third quarter concludes.

Tuskers 21

Browns 20 End of 3rd

The Tuskers are forced to leave the red zone with only three points. Things could have been worse, however, as Brodney Pool dropped what would have been a pick-six for the Browns. Cleveland's offense fails to do anything and is forced to punt it away. A draw play to Shaud Williams goes 28 yards and the Tuskers are in Cleveland territory, once more. Bollinger connects with Jayson Foster at the 20 and the drive stalls there. Matt Bryant buries the field goal and the Tuskers are up by a touchdown.

With the clock under six minutes, Brady Quinn realizes this could be Cleveland's last chance to tie the game. Quinn leads the Browns down the field with a West Coast Offense approach, connecting on a screen pass to Jerome Harrison, a bubble screen to Josh Cribbs and hitting Massaquoi over the middle for an eleven yard gain. The Browns get inside the 30 yard line and it's the two minute warning.

A draw play to Jamal Lewis goes for a few yards before tight end Michael Gaines makes a phenomenal leaping grab to put the Browns inside the ten yard line. Quinn calls the final time out of the game (he wasted a time out early in the third and Mangini lost one on a challenge) and the clock is at 24 seconds. Quinn then hits Massaquoi in the end zone and the Browns are an extra point away from tying the game. Instead of kicking it, though, Mangini decides to go for it. He puts Cribbs in the Wildcat and runs a very predictable run up the middle that is stuffed at the line. The Tuskers recover the ensuing onside kick and win the game.

Final

Tuskers 27
Browns 26

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